I am living with an alcoholic who has become verbally abusive. In 2007, a few months after my surgery for ovarian cancer, I took him into my home that I was renting because I needed the help. At that time he told me rarely ever drank, maybe on the weekends. He came into my home and caused chaos. He started drinking excessively, bringing friends over having all night parties, etc. I left a very mentally and physically abusive ex in 1993, and became very overwhelmed by this behavior I was experiencing in my life. I tried to get him out, called the police, but because he had lived with me for more than 3 months I would have to go through a formal eviction, which I didn't have the money for. So, moved into a bigger place thinking I would have more space and be away from him. Didn't work...I can go on and on. But here I am, 2011 and he is still in my life. I tried leaving and wound up coming back because I saw him and he looked like he was about to die from all the drinking he was doing, not eating, etc. You would think I would know by now that you can't "fix" anyone. Well, within the past year I have lost my job, have been having difficulty finding one, and he has been "carrying the load" as he so says. I finally just started a temporary position, and my car died on me..I live in an area where ther is no public transportation. So, they fired me. I am feeling totally stranded, helpless and alone. It is being thrown in my face everyday how he is paying the rent, so on and so forth. His drinking has become worse and worse, and now he has started smoking in the house, which scares me since I had my cancer. He has no respect for me at all. I have diabetes now, and he constantly criticizes me when I try to eat healthy, etc. What I forgot to mention is when he moved in with me in 2007, it was only about a month or two before he made advances. Me, lacking any confidence at all since my cancer surgery, took it as a compliment. Boy, was I wrong. I feel he just used me for his sexual needs. He no longer comes near me; he has tried on occasion, but I have finally become smart enough to realize it is only to satisfy his needs. I feel so undesirable now because of his total turnaround to acting as if I was never anything to him. His drinking became so bad Christmas week that I was going to go stay at a motel for the night to get away; he was so eager for me to go. I asked him why, and although this may sound very "blunt", he told me..."I want to sit here and jerk off to porn, and I don't need you walking around here disrupting my fun. Let the truth set me free." The living arrangements we have I have to walk through "his" room to get to the bathroom. He no longer shares a bed with me for I can't tell you how long. So, I am living in a downstairs room that has a steep staircase that leads down to it; you have to shut the doors on the top of the stairs for any privacy, and that it feels as if you are in a cell. I am not eating right or drinking enough water, because I don't want to have to go upstairs. Last night he totally flipped and told me he wants me the F**K out.....started to pick up my things and throw them out the door. So, I have been down in this room since with my dog. I heard him leave earlier, so I ran upstairs to use the bathroom, etc. I need advice desperately. I don't see how I can leave with no car, no job, hardly any finances. Yet, I just cannot live like this any longer. I have anxiety and depression issues as it is, and I am becoming very overwhelmed by all of this. Thank you, and sorry about the novel I wrote.
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