Help in Deciding to Leave or Stay Community Group
This group aims to gently help people decide about leaving or staying in their abusive relationship. This support covers whatever is needed to help the person be ready and able to go or stay; to actually make that decision and be confident it is the right one. The decision is a personal one and nobody can tell anyone what to do. We can only be with another person and help...
I am married to a man that is a workaholic, and also has an addiction to pornagraphy. For the past couple of years we have been fightin off and on and I am at the point where I am very angry and resentful of him. Because he works so much and is never here, I feel loney, neglected and unimportant to him. this man even goes to work on his days off, he says that if he doesn't he can get fired! Well I have got to be very stupid to believe that, which I don't. He lies a lot, I have caught him in so many lies its hard to even believe anything he says. I don't trust him because of the porn, and because I am a christian, I have been having a hard time leaving because of my beliefs, although I know that God does not approve of his behavior, I am still confused because I love my husband but I know I am not in love with him. We have talked with a Pastor, and I have even scheduled appointments to go to a counselor, which we didn't keep because he went to work instead. He says he wants to change but there is no action behind his words. I don't have a job so that makes it harder for me to leave. We don't have any kids together but I have kids from a previous relationship. I have even suspect of him cheating on me. Although he deny's it my gut feeling tells me different. I am so confused and emmotionally drained and exhausted of the same thing everyday. I do have friends that I can talk to and do things with and spending time with my kids is what has been helping me. But I long for the husband I married and fell in love with. thanks for listening/reading. any comforting words would be helpful :)
I experienced the porn when the i'net was becoming popular. We were in the military, & were stationed overseas.When we got back stateside, & got the i'net (this would have been mid '90's), I used to catch him staying up all hours of the night on the computer, he would try & block the screen. I am very more computer literate & was able to check the computer history & found the sites he was going on, & pics he had of women on disks. When confronted, he blamed my son, who was in 6-8th grade! Well, when this son got a little older, he told me he knew about his dad on the computer& it wasnt him going to these sites. I KNOW and have PROOF of what mine did to me. One time the spouse of the woman came & told me! and I jsut cant say how else I know, but I def have proof. So why am I here? Probably like you, beliefs, giving my kids a home, etc. Looking back, I made the mistake of staying. Now I am afraid my oldest will believe this is the way a man treats a woman, etc. He as also emotionally abused, etc. I feel like a bad mom for not standing for my children. I have one left at home starting high school & its really hard to stay on board much longer. He told me many time he wont do counseling. I feel its important for true changes & to be able to say my thoughts. He has changed somewhat, but when I think he has, his colors come out now & again....Stay focused on your kids while you are thinking this through..that is what I am doing. Trust your intuition; wish I would have. My pastor told me, sometimes a marriage isnt a marriage in the eyes of God. He's right. & if you are living the way you ought to be living, you will be happy. Write me when you can...I am not a every Sunday church-going mom, (I was as a child), but I do hold beliefs about whats right & wrong, & do tell my kids about morals & ethics.
**hugs**