So my sons lawyer just called this morning. Said court on Friday will be a group phone call that my son needs to be in a private place to enter in his plea via telephone. Thank goodness we do not have to attend in person since we live in a small town and no one else knows except our family. I have just received the facts from the prosecution via his lawyer to go over with my son. So hard to read those words that my son sexually abused his sister and the exact details rips my heart out...

Ive been spiraling the last few days. Had a break down Saturday since all day I was second guessing myself of telling my son to accept the offer of the prosecution was the right thing. They offered him 30 days in juvenile detention and 2 years probation. My husband and I told my son he needed to accept it for the sake of his sister. How would it look to her for him to fight going in for 30 days? He needs to show his sister he is taking responsibility. He has agreed. However... I am terrified. Been thinking now that he's accepted maybe it's not the best. His lawyer has said that it is almost unheard of to incarcerate youth in Canada (with no past record) and is very heavy in trying to reform them with counselling and probation. The lawyer did not think my son should accept as the judge would almost more than likely set counselling and probation. The only reason the crown has asked for 30 days is because my daughter wanted him to serve something. She is struggling with everything that has happened and is very angry at him. Hates him.

I need to try to do what's best gor both and therefore felt it best to accept the offer. Now I've been working myself up that is it going to make a difference to her if he goes to jail? Will she still hate him and it'll make no difference in the outcome of trying to heal our family? Will my son be abused in there and now I have 2 children with PTSD? Will he hate me even more for telling him he has to accept if something happens to him? 
I cried while voicing my fears to my husband Saturday. He told me that I've been doing an amazing job walking the line and to not fall apart now. I've been trying to support both and do what's best for both but I'm terrified I'm making the wrong decision and it could have huge consequences. My husband told me that our son agreed because he knows it's the right thing. I just worry about him. My husband told me that I need to calm down - that I go from one extreme (her side) all the way to the other extreme (his side). I said no shit! They're both my kids!!! I'm just so terrified and it is hard for me to put one foot infront of the other right now. 
his lawyer said after he pleads on Friday next court date will be in May. This one will be in person and they will take him into custody there. I dont think I'll be able to watch him be taken. This is the worst feeling I've ever had in my life. I'm trying hard to keep it together for our family, but I see the pieces falling all around me and no matter how fast I try to pick them up I'm losing the battle. 

we are looking for an apartment for my son with him today. I'm excited to see him. It's been over a week and a half. We are all worried that after he gets out the probation officer will be checking in and if he stays where he is now (no contact order with his sister since October so he is living with his girlfriend and her family- they think we had a fight with my son and teenagers are prone to pack up and leave) that they will find out what he has done. I know he deserves whatever he gets but I know he is a good kid and I do not want anyone looking at him differently. I guess that's our job to try to protect our kids. 
I am worried about him reoffending though. I've been trying to do some research in the probability but there's not much there. I know he watches porn, and was sexually active with girlfriends before this incident so there was no "expiramenting" or anything like that. I've told my daughter I KNOW he would never do anything like this again but she said how do you know? I never thought he'd ever do it in the first place. Now I'm starting to worry about that. Maybe she's right. Maybe I shouldn't just give him the benefit of the doubt. How can I be sure? I hope the judge makes him to a program, although the lawyer this morning said judge may say his counselling he's done (since October) may be good enough. I hope not. I need to make sure he gets all the help even if my husband and I feel it was just a huge mistake fueled by alcohol. Even with alcohol who does this?!?! I think I need to take a bath and have a drink to try to breath. It's getting harder to control my emotions the closer court and the end of this comes.