Grief and Depression Community Group
Offer coping tools and support to others that have depression with grief. One of the strongest emotions felt with grief is depression. Grief is caused by losses in life:death,divorce, health, addiction.
hi everyone. I really don't know where to start, but January this year my mum died. I'm 24 & have two disabled children, life hasnt been easy for me, I've suffered 4 miscarriages, my dad died very young when I was growing up, it was always me & mum. She was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago, and I watched her progressively worsen, tore my heart to pieces, just after my birthday, and just after Christmas she suddenly declined (pneumonia) & she died, literally hours after walking into a ambulance and telling her I would see her tomorrow. Tomorrow never came. I feel like the ending was so premature & I keep going over in my head how I would have done things now, but I also know in my heart of hearts I did the best I could in a incredibly difficult situation without any family support (chocolate tea pots the lot of them) I really don't know how I got through those first few days, but somehow I did... I was diagnosed with complicated pre-grief whilst she was dying, and whilst I don't feel that low now I'm really struggling with the moving on. She was young, and I'm still young, I feel robbed of her, of guidance. I feel angry and I hurt so much. I do still randomly cry , I can be fine for afew days then out of no where I'm overcome with emotion. She was the nicest lady anyone could ever meet, and whilst everyone gets on with life I feel like everyones over the loss I just get looks now when I mention her name, but for some reason I feel the need to mention her, alot. I know she would want me to carry on for my boys, be happy but it is incredibly hard. Thanks for reading x
I'm sorry for your lost, losing your mom was like losing a part of you. I think grief could be from death, lost of a friend, a neighbor, pet, or just anything that'll cause you to feel so sad and hurt. It's hard to carry on because of the changes. I can relate with you because my neighbor died. It's hard because she died this year (in February). Her husband is moving because he can't stand to live there without her. It's three bedrooms and two baths. His son used to live above him and his wife but the son died three years ago. The son also had three dogs that lived with him but they died a few weeks after him. I guess the dogs were grieving too (how sad).
In 2005, I lost my cat who I had since 1993. She was calico and my best friend. At night she would tell me when I should go to bed by looking for me around the house, then meow until I followed her to the bedroom. When she stood by the bed, she would look from me to the bed as in saying it's time for bedtime (it was around 10:00). But she had cancer. When she died, it was like a part of me died with her. Then in 2008 my other kitty died from cancer to. I remember when I got the second kitty around Christmas in 1994, from a neighbor as a Christmas present. I really miss her a lot and the laidback life I used to have.
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. Parents are our wings. We can't fly without them.
It takes time to relearn to live without them. Don't be hard on yourself. Have a time for your own meditation. To cry, talk to her, pray for her soul and pray for your strength because with broken heart you still have your own kids to takes care of. I feel your pain. Life is not fair to any of us. I wish people could have more insight and could be more kind to each other.
I am All Too Familiar with the Grief that comes along with the loss of (My) mother. She passed the day before my birthday in 2011. I was okay for two or three months. Then it hit.. Day after day after day after week after week, the grief was so intense I couldn't Breathe. I have never cried so hard in all my life. Noises came out of me that I had Never heard before. Anywhere. Ever. Everyone kept telling me I would be okay, but no one could tell me When. And I definitely wasn't as sure as they were. No one could fix it. The confusion, indecisiveness, fear, anxiety, insecurities, emptiness, darkness, helplessness, hopelessness, the lack of any familiarity, the routine I (we) had for Soooo long was gone.
She wasn't coming back !!! OMG !!!
It felt like too much. I couldn't do it. Don't people see that I can't do this ?? And I'd fall asleep..... And sure enough another day would begin.
What I didn't realize was that :
***I was doing it***. ...
It was ugly and dark and scary and all those other things, but I was making it through yet another day. It was messy. It was undescribable.
I was going *Through* it !!
Sleep was the only relief from my broken heart. I had been her caregiver for several years. I was lost. I had no one to tend to and didn't care to tend to myself. It didn't matter ! I don't know how to tell "you" to get through this, but I promise that you will !!! I Promise. .Grief is different for every person, yet such mirror images of another - that Anyone who has been 'There' Understands..... and yet there is still no fixing it. No making it go away. I did find some comfort/ support, knowing that other people have and do grieve and get to the other side. Wasn't sure I was going to be one of them !! but I wasn't alone, No matter how much I told myself I was.... People did understand. It is just part of our journey here. I would not trade having my mother all the years. Her love. Our adventures. The simplest of moments. Our favorite commercials on TV.
(One of our favorites was the one before Easter every year. Do you know the one with a real (white) bunny, that clucks/balks like a chicken ? (Selling Chocolate filled Cadbury Easter Eggs). Lol. Love it !!!
The things we laughed over. The things we cried together about, - NOT FOR ONE SECOND would I Trade US (Me &Mom - Peas in a pod !! ) -
in order to avoid the pain and grief since she's "not in the form' she used to be, BUT She's Here. She's with me Always. On a Higher, more intimate level really.
*I do know* grief is something that a person 'that I' had No Choice but to go *through*. There was no going over or around or under or avoiding or denying it..... It was more real than I can put into words but we do not get past things, grow,you live or,move forward, if we do not go *Through*. We get stuck.
Allow yourself to Feel your feelings. Lean into them. Your Feelings will not harm you.
One last thing. When the grief is at its most intense it feels constant, all consuming come encompassing, heavy and nonstop. This is untrue. There are moments with the in the day if only for a couple seconds at first, grief comes in waves. Be aware the degree full come in, like a tide on the ocean coming to shore. Don't be scared. Feel it. Allow it to pass. The waves will become gradually, almost unnoticeably decreasing in intensityintensity eventually less often, and you will smile when you think about her. I still promise. You're already doing it. It's already okay. Just have to ride it out. Regardless how ugly, how messy hell off track
We only have one mom. Feel whatever comes your way, my friend and keep in mind they're *growing pains*
501.545.8461.