Grandparents Rights Community Group
I would like to start up a discussion group on grandparents rights. Too many grandparents are unaware of what their rights are and what is available in their state. I have connections in most states and can get answers. This is for grandparents who are considering or are presently raising their grandchildren.
I am too young to be a grandma but to old to be a mom of a toddler. However I have two grandchildren but raise only one. I have a 3.5 yr old GD and a 2.5 GS. I am raising the GS. My daughter days from 15 found out she was preg. Bio fathr also only 15. When the baby was born neither of them had a clue. I did all of the parenting. At a point I proposed to the parents that I would like to have custody. They agreed and I got it june of 07 when my grand son was only 6 mos old. The relationship between my GS and the bio dad just got more distant(he does no visits even tho they are court ordered) Then in may of 08 the biodad challenged me for custody. well to make a long story short after thousands of $$ he agreed to allow me to have temp custody til Feb 2011(at that time both parents will be 20 and GS will be 4.5). Then there will be a reevaluation and what happens then will be decided by the court. My daughter the mother lives at home and is still in high school. She does not do much of the earing of my GS and it is all left up to me. The father is just grad high school and despite having court ordered every other weekend and weekly Wed visits, he only sees my GS when it is convenient for him about 4 times so far this year. I am frustrated on a dialy basis that this child's parents can not give him what he needs. At the same time, I feel greedy and want to keep for myself. I am bewildered by the lack of rights and resources that grandparents have. I currently get no support for this child from either parent and can get no help from the state. That is me in a nutshell.
daisydduck
Thx for sharing. You bring up a very valid point. How do we handle taking on the full responsibility of child and not become attached. Just by the shear day to day caring for the child, we develop a mother/child bond. Yet, it always comes down to the rights of the bio parent. I agree that the best is always that parents raise their own kids, but when we step in and handle the responsibility for them, we cannot just walk away from the bond we have formed. I believe this is a very serious consideration that needs to be addressed.
deleted_user
amen you just said exactly whats on my heart Ive had my gd for 2yrs now;Im here at home today without her cause she went to dad's and IM feeling guilty she's never hardly without me; we spend every day together except weekends which im against but my hubby says I need a break; why so she can go sleep with dads girlfriend? he saying we should give her back he's done nothing to earn his right to live with her like show up at court for one! My husband thinks im just going to let her go im afraid if he makes this descion I might leave him I cant stand the thought of everything we had to do to get custody dad's not well he an actor and he knows how to play his part well hes been doing it for years!
daisydduck
There seems to be a pattern forming that many grandparents see their marriages dissolve because of problems w/kids and grandkids. Sad to get so far and then have it all fall apart. Hope hubby w/work w/you in resolving issues. I know what you mean about getting close. My sil took gs away and we did not see him for 3 months. When we got court ordered visitation, the first words out of his mouth were to ask if I had been dreaming about him. He went on to say that he had been having nightmares and I was in them. He then added that I saved him from the monsters in the nightmares. I knew then a bond had been formed. btw, I was in same position when we get him, too young for gm and too old for toddler. When he was 7, we were checking out at grocery store and clerk asked him if he was spending spring break w/grandma. He looked at her and said, she' not my grandmother, she's my mom. What a moment!
deleted_user
Omgosh daisy! I see it too it breaks my heart;that dream could have very well have been from God letting your gs know you would save him!Ive had experience's in the store also almost everyone thinks im harmony's mom Im going to stop telling them Im grandma;Harmony slips sometime and tries to call me mom,I always remind her mommy is in heaven!This to breaks my heart some times I just break down and start crying in front of her and she asks me na'na whats wrong? I tell her I miss mommy,but she is watching us from Heaven;I know this is what mommy would have wanted us to do;raise harmony!
deleted_user
My first post and not sure where to start. I am a mother of 2, my son has 4 children, the 2 oldest he has full custody, the younger 2 is by his current g/f who he lives with. My situation is this. When my son was fighting for custody of the 2 oldest, they lived with me, my son worked full time and was hardly home. I would take care of both the kids everyday. To make a long story short, I moved out of state 4 years ago, my son and his g/f and 4 kids moved here and lived here for 2 years. In Aug of this year they moved back without any notice to me that they were moving. His g/f has a jealous problem and thinks that i treat the 2 oldest grandkids better than i treat her 2, the 2 youngest ones. She would cause problems with my son and i over her jealousy. She finally got my son convinced that I am mean to her oldest son and they packed up all 4 of the kids and moved back, taking all 4 of the kids 1000 miles away from me. I have not spoke to any of them since the middle of Aug. It has affected so much that I am now on medications for my depression and anxiety. My grand kids are not allowed to talk to me, talk about me and have been told to forget about me. The oldest is now 11 and has always said that he wants to live with me, and always talks about running away from his dads. Their mother has been in and out of their life for almost 7 years and thinks she deserves the mother of the year award. I feel so lost with out them, they have been a big part of my life for 11 years. This will be the first Christmas that I spend without my kids and grand kids. Thanks for having this site so I can vent.
daisydduck
The same thing happened to my mom after my sister died. My bil moved with his new family out of state. My mother truly carried a broken heart for the rest of her years. Now, our son walked away from our family seven years ago and will not allow us to meet his daughter who w be six in Feb. I cannot believe that they are happy. I understand your feelings and sympathize w you re holidays. I,as well as many others, are advocating for grans but movement to gain rights is slow.the fact that your son has moved them 1000 miles away weakens your case for visitation. My suggestion is to write letter to son and see if you can gain common ground with his wife.explain that you have formed a strong bond w your GC but did not intend to avoid her children. Hopefully she willvsee the light and meet you halfway. Take it one day at a tme for now and know you support here. God bless.
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