I am putting this out there hoping someone can relate,, i had a rough childhood would be an understatement you name the adversiity,,, back in the day there was no intervention so you survived,,, nature nurture i have no idea all the ideas out there today,, but at sizty i am scared to even mention this so you know i am old school , nobody in my world would accept me as transgender, born female,,,,, most know me that way,,, yes i have had alot of trauma and got all the help with that work progrrams but most folks i know even trauma survivors are pretty sure what they prefer i feel most comfortable as a male,,,, a very strong male used to get into my broters clothers etc,,, but mentally always and my other 2 sisters are martha stewarts,,, but my preference in all things are male alpha male type,, so i hate being called a lesbian because i am not,,, maybe i am just venting late in life and hoping for the courage to just keep it in the closet at this age but it is my very true self,,,, and i do not want to go through a sex change,, i am ok had brast cancer and had to have the top and bottom stuff gone so LOL no did not want cancer but find it interesting i am now androgynnous anyway , but i am very petite small features very hard to deny that but it doesnt match my brain,, i am just venting i have my male clothes male cologne alll of it mostly my male brain think male into my old bmw constantly working on it golf any sport do not like anything typical of a female,, have to hide my mannerisms my voice, this has been going on all my life even my student once slipped and said MR,, one other teacher kep telling me about Oprah had a show on transgender and my boss told me to dress more femaile on and on and on,,,,,,,,,, problem is i hate absolutely hate being mistaken for a butch lesbian,, no offense ,,, so i am going to keep being me ,,, hiding behind my female facade and taking the heat for being a lesbian,, it is very very hard but too late,,,,, that is why i wanted to start this room i needed it too,,,, thanks for reading my ramble ,, Eric more known as Sheila
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