GLBT Rainbow Trauma Recovery Community Group
A safe place to share with other glbt folks about trauma experiences and get support without ridicule of being different
My best friend and remote love interest tried to off himself again.
He almost succeeded, he's in intensive care.
...I love him, am angry, sad, and wish I was there to shake some sense into that head of his.
I get less upset each time he attempts.
I do love him, but for my sanity, I have to step back.
I have to accept that one of these days I'm going to get an email from his daughter telling me he's gone.
He'll be out of suffering then, at least...but it's cold comfort.
...I didn't kill myself because he needed me.
Back when I was still with my ex...and memories started pounding me, I wanted to die so badly.
I lived because he needed me.
Because he loved me, I saved myself.
I need him, too...but at the same time I have to accept that the worst may happen and deal with that likely eventuality.
I did it for him, I lived...and now if his choice is to die I won't go down with him.
I won't go down with him.
I know he deserves life and love, as do I, but if he refuses to see it I will not go down.
I will want to very much, but I WILL NOT GO DOWN!
I will be devastated, saddened, angry.
I accept that. I accept that this is very likely.
He means so much to me.
Words from lips cannot express...but the heart speaks in tears.
He almost succeeded, he's in intensive care.
...I love him, am angry, sad, and wish I was there to shake some sense into that head of his.
I get less upset each time he attempts.
I do love him, but for my sanity, I have to step back.
I have to accept that one of these days I'm going to get an email from his daughter telling me he's gone.
He'll be out of suffering then, at least...but it's cold comfort.
...I didn't kill myself because he needed me.
Back when I was still with my ex...and memories started pounding me, I wanted to die so badly.
I lived because he needed me.
Because he loved me, I saved myself.
I need him, too...but at the same time I have to accept that the worst may happen and deal with that likely eventuality.
I did it for him, I lived...and now if his choice is to die I won't go down with him.
I won't go down with him.
I know he deserves life and love, as do I, but if he refuses to see it I will not go down.
I will want to very much, but I WILL NOT GO DOWN!
I will be devastated, saddened, angry.
I accept that. I accept that this is very likely.
He means so much to me.
Words from lips cannot express...but the heart speaks in tears.
You are very strong and i don't want you to go down either... You are inspirational to me, and you are healthy because you are not enmeshed with toxicity... this is part of healthy detachment.
Hang in there...
I might have two days, two weeks, two years. He's 45, I very much doubt he will make 50.
I'm jealous. He gets to go home. I get to stay here in a world in which I can barely function, in which things keep getting worse, keep getting harder.
...I WANT TO GO HOME TOO!
I want to stop hurting, I want to stop being sad, afraid, broken.
I want to go home too...It's so hard here.
I hurt so bad all the time.
Why don't I get to go home?
I deserve to be at peace too.
...It would be a choice for me.
In him it's a compulsion, I get that now.
...But the pain never stops. It never stops.
the endless search for peace and how to be healthier...a giant research project
im told healing happens but the process is slow going since we have to learn collectively the hard way.
(((miss you)))