GLBT Rainbow Trauma Recovery Community Group

A safe place to share with other glbt folks about trauma experiences and get support without ridicule of being different

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Kathelu 02/07/2014

FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS I HAVE BEEN TOOTIN AROUND LOOKING AT POSTS IN SOME OF THE GROUPS AND TRYING TO FIND ONE THAT IS ACTIVE. AND IT LOOKS LIKE THIS GROUP HAS SOME VERY NICE ENTRYS BY SOME NICE PEOPLE.
RECOVERY SORT OF TURNED ME OFF......CAUSE I AM NO WHERE NEAR THAT. BUT I DO LIKE WHAT I HAVE SEEN SO FAR. AND I DO NEED THIS SITE.
TRAUMA EXPERIENCES?........THATS MY LIFE!!!! I DONT KNOW THAT I HAVE EVER RECOVERED FROM ANY OF THEM WHILE I AM ON TO THE NEXT ONE. SO I PUT THEM ALL ON THE BACK BURNER AND MOVE ON. TODAY IS NO DIFFERENT.
FIRST SITUATION~~~~~I AM ASTRANGED FROM MY PARTNER/WIFE OF 18 YEARS. SHE LEFT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A WORD. TOOK WHAT SHE WANTED AND LEFT. WHICH WASNT MUCH. THINGS THAT SHE VALUED MOST. TRAVELING LIGHT. TOOK OUR VEHICLE, STILL TODAY HALF IN MY NAME. I KNOW SHE IS IN ANOTHER STATE, VEHICLE TAGS ARE DUE THIS MONTH. DONT KNOW WHAT HER PLAN IS THERE. SO IM IN LIMBO.
YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN.........WELL, M PARNTER/WIFE IS PERIMENOPAUSAL, AND OFF HER ROCKER. NOT COPING VERY WELL. THEN COMPOUNDED THINGS. MY GROWN DAUGHTER NEEDED HELP, BROUGHT HER AND HER HUBBY INTO THE MIX......STIRRED UP THE POT WHICH WAS VOLITILE AT BEST. ONCE A MOM ALWAYS A MOM. WE TOOK THEM IN, NOT THE FIRST TIME I MIGHT ADD. TOO MUCH FOR MY PARTNER I GUESS. NEITHER MY PARTNER OR DAUGHTER CARED FOR EACH OTHER. THE HUBBY IS A REAL PIECE OF WORK. SLOB FROM THE WORD GO. HE HAS NO SHAME, NO VALUE!!! THEY WERE LEAVING SOON, SO I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD BE OVER. I WAS WRONG.
I THEN WAS LEFT TO FEND FOR MYSELF WITH NO PARTNER/WIFE. MY DAUGHTER OFFERED TO HELP ME OUT AND I COULD MOVE IN WITH THEM. SO I DID. THAT WAS A MISTAKE. BUT, I COULD NOT AFFORD TO LIVE ON MY OWN.
SO, MY DAUGHTER HAS BECOME VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO ME, SIL ALSO. NEITHER HAS ANY RESPECT FOR ME. (I AM ALSO DISABLED) I HAVE SOME HEALTHCARE PROVIDERS COMING IN HELPING ME WITH CARES, THEY HAVE SEEN HOW SHE TREATS ME. A BIG ARGUEMENT HAPPENED ON WEDNESDAY, DAUGHTER SAID SHE AND HUBBY GONNA REMOVE MY CAREGIVERS, OF WHICH THEY CANT. ITS JUST MORE STUFF. I DID PANIC THOUGH. NOW NO ONE IS TALKING TO ME, WHICH IS FINE, BUT THE TENSION CAN BE CUT WITH A DULL KNIFE.
THATS THE SHORT VERSION, TRUST ME, YA ALL GOT JUST THE HIGHLIGHTS.
I HAVE MADE APPLICATION FOR HOUSING THROUGH THE COUNTY/STATE WHERE I LIVE. BUT THAT WILL TAKE A LONG WHILE TO GET. THERE IS A LENGHTY WAIT LIST.
SO DO YA ALL THINK IM NUTS OR WHAT. ANYBODY GOT ANY WORDS OF WISDOM FOR ME. I DONT TRUST ME TO MAKE A GOOD DECISON. I DONT FEEL MUCH ANYMORE, CANT CRY, OR SCREAM. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME.

seemad 02/07/2014

Hey welcome to the group…I am sorry to hear that u are going thru a lot…
This grp is very nice and we are very supportive of each other and hope u find the same feeling too…
I am sorry that rue partner/wife left u like that, I don't think u are nuts…this world is crazy…I won't provide u with any advise but I am so happy that u applied for the housing and I hope that something materializes soon…
it hurts me that rue daughter and rue SIL are all not good to u…it's very sad…I know how u are feeling…I have been there with my SIL who also more or less did the same to me when I was married…and I got divorced last year and it has been ups and down…but I know one thing that we are all going thru phases where we can't cry or scream or just feel anymore…it's okay to be in that mode as long as u can get out of it slowly…having said that believe me it's not that easy but u will have to work thru it..that's what I have realized…
I wish u the best and please keep sharing and it's nice to learn about others…this site is awesome..and it has personally helped me a lot..
take care

john12as 02/07/2014

Welcome to the group, be gentle with yourself and nurturing... I know for me, when I get stressed I tend to be self destructive/ harming... Are you sleeping and eating OK?

Kathelu 02/07/2014

THANK YOU SEEMAD AND JOHN. I HAVE BEEN BLAMING MYSELF, MY SELF-ESTEEM IS SHOT. I WAS FEELING PRETTY GOOD WHEN I FOUND THIS SITE, BUT THEN THE ARGUMENT HAPPENED AND ALL THE SCREAMING AND NAME CALLING, I JUST CANT TAKE IT! I TURN INWARD UNTIL I WANT TO EXPLODE. SLEEPING, RIGHT, HAVE TROUBLE WITH THAT ON GOOD DAYS. NOT BEEN GREAT SINCE WEDNESDAY. I AM NOT ABLE TO MAKE MY OWN MEALS, I HAVE MEALS ON WHEELS BRING IN ONCE DAILY. THATS ABOUT IT. THEY DONT HELP ME WITH THAT WHEN THEY GET A BUG UP THEIR U KNOW WHAT.
MY SOCIAL WORKER IS COMING MONDAY FOR MONTHLY VISIT, SENT HIM AN EMAIL THURSDAY. UPDATED HIM ABOUT WEDNESDAY NIGHT, SO MAYBE HE CAN HELP SPEED UP THE PROCESS OF GETTING A PLACE.
BEFORE I MOVE OUT (ALL THE BELONGINGS ARE MINE HERE, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING) I WILL HAVE TO SELL MOST TO GET SOME MONEY TO MOVE, SO SPRING WILL BE YARD SALE TIME. MY STUFF WONT FIT INTO A SMALL PLACE ANYWAY. I HAVE NO DOUBT THEY WILL SELL. CHEAP BIG TICKET ITEMS.
IM NOT A PHYSICAL PERSON, NOT EVEN TO MYSELF. BUT EMOTIONAL, THATS A DIFFERENT THING.
IM TRYING TO KEEP MY MIND OFF OF THINGS HERE. PLANNING IS THE NAME OF THE GAME. BESIDES NO ONE IS TALKING TO ME NOW. THAT HELPS PERK UP MY MOOD. THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. MY GOAL!
THANK YOU BOTH AGAIN . AND YES, COMMUNICATING LIKE THIS DOES HELP ME.

WyndWytch 02/09/2014

so a couple of items, One what your daughter n her husband are doing is actually a pretty serious crime, If you believe they are a danger to you, I suggest you take it seriously and acquire help from your social worker or the police. If you are in an unsafe situation (which it sounds like you are) they can speed things up. They have access to other services that are not accessible to the general public. At the very least your daughter and her husband may be told to leave and they will set you up with a hospice person. I Have seen that done in the past here, where they have a couple people who will actually be there 24x7 to help you. they also should be able to get you subsidized housing as well that will cost you little or nothing. It all depends. definitely bring it up to them though. Make sure to keep them informed, make sure to point things out, and don't hesitate to do what you need to do. I really hope that you can get into a better situation and welcome to the group :D

seemad 02/10/2014

I agree with Wyndwytch, sometimes its hard I understand to put ure own under those circumstances but it's coming to ure happiness and safety do it...
Please do updating your posts...
take care

Kathelu 02/12/2014

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE INPUT. i HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF PLANS IN THE WORKS. I AM IN GOOD HEALTH, AND NO FURTHER EVENTS.
YES I REALIZE THAT IT IS A CRIME, BUT LIKE I SAID MY DAUGHTER THINKS SHE IS ABOVE THE LAW. AND HER HUSBAND JUST FOLLOWS HER LEAD.
MY ONE SOCIAL WORKER VISITED ON MONDAY, SO HE IS AWARE OF ALL THE HAPPENINGS. PLUS ANOTHER SOCIAL WORKER KNOWS ABOUT ALL OF IT.
I LIVE IN A CITY WHERE THE POLICE ARE NOT VERY CONDUSIVE TO GETTING INTO CIVIL MATTER. SO I HAVE GONE THROUGH MY SOCIAL WORKERS.
MY APPLICATION IS IN FOR SUBSIDIZED HOUSING, BUT IT TAKES A YEAR SOMETIMES, UNLESS SOME APPLICANTS HAVE A CHANGE IN STATUS. SO I PLAY THE WAITING GAME.
THANK YOU FOR THE WARM WELCOME, EVERYONE.

WyndWytch 02/12/2014

hopefully said waiting game won't take long and perhaps those social workers will take some action against your daughter and her husband. Knock them down a few notches, it sounds like they could use it :P perhaps they will push the paperwork forward faster due to the unsafe situation you are in. I would hope they could at least put in a good word on those grounds.

seemad 02/13/2014

I hope so too, u don't have to wait for a year, I don't know about the housing applications procedure or someone I can speak with...to see what I can do...just wondering I know this is a civil case and not criminal...but if your family is not looking after u that's abuse of an elderly...that could be a criminal case...
I work with the state attorney's office and I have access to Victim Advocates, would u like to talk to any one them? please let me know, will also see if u can email them or vice versa so that u have some idea as to what u can proceed with...
thanks and take care

Kathelu 02/13/2014

well, one never know who they will meet here. the civil matter would be a label that the police here give it. they are not the most ambitious group of people, lazy would be the word i would use. i thot elder abuse was a criminal, havent had too much luck. a whole lot of passing the buck. i know that sounds unbelievable, but true all the same.
yes, please. i would appreciate a contact very much. things are quiet now, but at any given time they tend ot explode.
thank you very much seemad, you dont know how much better i feel.

WyndWytch 02/14/2014

Verbal, mental, and physical abuse against anyone is a crime, but more severe penalties are usually dished out for those who will do so against children, the elderly, or the disabled. As you said though, getting the cops to react is a whole different issue. You almost have to make the call as things are going on and tell them you fear for your life. If they don't react then and you have called 911 in such a case, then the department is in deep crap :P typically if you just call the department they will dance around it, but they have to respond to any call dispatched to them through 911. I have seen many lazy cops in my dealings with legal matters throughout my life. there are a great deal of them. Usually a force only has a couple of good cops and the rest are pretty well worthless, letting things slide at an increasing margin. I worked as one for a time and happily because I was military it wasn't anything for me to change careers :P

Kathelu 02/15/2014

i do feel alone in all this, and its very frustrating. the police are suppose to SERVE AND PROTECT. bunk! i had an occassion to call them when i was with my wife. and they made me leave. and i called them because she was abusing me. not hitting, but spitting in my face, verbally taking me down, gaslighting me. i have as i said contacted my now 3 social workers and noting has happened yet. i woder, if i showed up dead due to the rage here, what would they say, "Slipped through the cracks", thats me, slipping and sliding away. i pray nightly to my higher power to help me, to protect me. i stear clear of these two, as much as possible. i make so many concessions that i am lost in them. maybe Calgon would work better, like "Calgon take me away" just a little levity. im here praying away. keeping to myself.

WyndWytch 02/16/2014

as stupid as it is, when it comes to a domestic, they always remove the one who in their judgment is deemed strongest, Typically the male, or the one who seemed more "together" when they got there. They assume regardless of who called the weaker, or more mentally distraught one is the abused which isn't always the case. I suppose its set up that way so they have less paperwork to do :P As for what they would do if you ended up dead? lets just hope that don't happen ;) The problem with most programs out there, be it police, fire, medical, social services, what have you, is that there are so many who have abused them that they have to put so many road blocks in that when you actually need it, it takes forever to get it. Kinda like the guy who called 911 for assistance because his wife's zipper on her coat broke and so she couldn't get it completely unzipped to get it off. The cops had to respond, and did, and pulled it off over her head.... to me, they should be fined for that. That is the kind of abuse that most of these services see though sadly. I just hope for your sake they see through the BS and get something moving.

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