" I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."


" I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell till I met you."


" Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:
What the heck was I thinking " ?


" As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."


" If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."


" As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."


" Thanks for being a part of my life !
I never new what evil was before this " !


" Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card " !!!


" Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
You'll probably need it again."


" Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."


" Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."


" I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened, especially since you survived."


" Happy Birthday !
You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike " !


" Congratulations on getting married !
It's not every day you decide to ruin your life " !


"I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.
While I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly."


" When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."


" Just remember... Jesus Loves You -
Everyone else thinks you're a jerk " !


" The holidays are a great time to be with family.
Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard " !


" I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."


" We have been friends for a very long time, let's say we call it quits."


" I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."


" If you ever need a friend, buy a dog."


" Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was " ?


" If you didn't have any money, I'd still love you.
And miss you very much."


" Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday -- so we're having you put to sleep."


" Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad " !!






Love Ya, ~Barbara