Gaslighting and Ambient Abuse Survivors Community Group
Gaslighting is a form of intimidation or psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory, perception and sanity. *Note: This is a quiet group that chooses to post privately to each other most of the time, so you will not see a lot of forum posts.
Here is a great book on the subject of gaslighting and I thought that I would share it here.
The Gaslight Effect by Robin Stern
Here a little intro:
When women show up with black eyes and bruises, or report that their partners curse and scream, we rally around and point fingers at the monsters in their lives. When you fall out of love, fight all the time, never have sex â itâs clear that the relationshipâs deteriorating.
But when we face a more hidden and ephemeral problem of tattered self-esteem, cloudy vision and forgotten dreams, we end up pointing the finger at ourselves. Something is wrong â but we just canât give it a name or put our fingers on it.
My book gives that something a name: the Gaslight Effect. And when something is named and understood, it can be recognized and healed.
www.robinstern.com
The Gaslight Effect by Robin Stern
Here a little intro:
When women show up with black eyes and bruises, or report that their partners curse and scream, we rally around and point fingers at the monsters in their lives. When you fall out of love, fight all the time, never have sex â itâs clear that the relationshipâs deteriorating.
But when we face a more hidden and ephemeral problem of tattered self-esteem, cloudy vision and forgotten dreams, we end up pointing the finger at ourselves. Something is wrong â but we just canât give it a name or put our fingers on it.
My book gives that something a name: the Gaslight Effect. And when something is named and understood, it can be recognized and healed.
www.robinstern.com
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Are You Being Gaslighted?
Check for these telltale signs:
1. You constantly second-guess yourself.
2. You wonder, âAm I being too sensitive?â a dozen times a day.
3. You wonder frequently if you are a âgood enoughâ girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
4. You have trouble making simple decisions.
5. You think twice before bringing up innocent topics of conversation.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partnerâs behavior to friends and family.
7. Before your partner comes home from work, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
8. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases thinking about what your partner would like instead of what would make you feel great.
9. You actually start to enjoy the constant criticism, because you think, âWhat doesnât kill me will make me stronger.â
10. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you donât have to tell him things youâre afraid might upset him.
11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
12. You feel as though you canât do anything right.
13. You frequently wonder if youâre good enough for your lover.
14. Your kids start trying to protect you from being humiliated by your partner.
15. You feel hopeless and joyless.
You're happy when he's asleep and get more agitated when you know he's about to wake up.
You check your clothes before you walk in the house to make sure you're not 'flashing your tits' (even when what you are wearing is very modest)
You don't tell him about (an entirely innocent) meeting a male friend in the supermarket because it's not worth the hassle
You start to believe the crap he tells you and doubt your own capabilities. At work I was in charge of 200 guys and a £17m budget, but he made me unable to decided which joint of meat to buy in the supermarket.
When you are away from him, all you feel is a sense of relief