Hi to you all i am new to this group,i surely hope i can find some peace of mind in here,when i tell you that i am very lonely and alone and scard,i am a 65yr.,old women,i have been seprated now for 11yrs.,i do not know anyone,i am alone at all times,i have never dated anyone in all those yrs.,i had a very good friend but she passed away at 57yrs.,old,i do not go out verymuch ,because i am very disable with my knees,i am in cronic pain all the time,and i do mean all the time,my pain pills are not doing very much at all,i take a lot of meds.,for i do have some other disorders,with my knees it i servear osteroarthrious,i force myself to try and walk a little bit only around my apt.,i use my walker and cane for that,i try very hard to do a little housecleaning,but the pain is so bad i do not lat long,i cannot bend my knees at all or kneel on then,i can only sleep on my back,i have a hospital bed so i can raise my legs up and my head,i set all day in my chair with my feet up on my footstool,i have to keep my feet up or my ankles swell up realy bad,i cannot stand very long because of the cronic pain,so i don't cook hardly ever,i buy alads and other things,only once in a while i try to cook something but my legs start to shake,and then i start to cry and i get so upset with myself ,and i feel so useless,and i am very embersed about myself,this has stoped me from doing all the things i used to do and all the things i want to do,i have no life,i try to get out to do some shopping about 2 times a mounth,i use a scooter to get about,so this is why i do not know anyone at all,and meeting someone can't happen when you are house bound,and anyway who would ever want a women like me being so disable as i am,i am embersted of my self,no one would want me,i am a plus size women as well,i am not supposed to strain my self,but i did once in the shower,i got a pain in the back of my head,and the next day i got up and couldn't hear in my left ear,so they did some test on me and now i am toatly deef in my left ear all the nervers are dead,like what's next,so now you know why i am so lonely and alone,i am so affeard of dieing alone,if i get sick i am scard there is no one for me or to comford me,i do a lot of crying,all i got to do is TV.,and my computer,i cannot get my knee replacement because the doctor said i have to be able to bend my knee to a 90degree angle,so there are times i do not want to go on anymore in this cronic pain,and being so all alone hurts,this is the first time i put this all out there,may7777.hugs to all,the only thing i still have lrft is my sence of hummer,and i love to help others..