Friends til the end Community Group
A group for those of us here who get more from our friendships than from the available discussion groups. A place to be accepted and appreciated for who we are. Somewhere to always feel safe and know that especially on the bad days we are here for each other .A place for encouragement and love.
Are you the type of person who always says yes ?
I've come to learn that it is very important to learn to say NO !! It's okay.
People are still going to like you.
They may even respect you more because they know you are being authentic.
I'm not saying to say no to someone who really needs your help.
I'm talking about turning down that meeting that you really do not want to attend or that birthday party that you don't want to be a guest at because it's the same weekend as your sister's shower or the Playoffs.
Think for a moment how you feel when you say YES to something that you really don't want to do.
If you're like I once was, you can't sleep at night and you think about it way too much.
It weighs on your mind.
You try to find ways out.
You start thinking “oh it's not so bad, it will make him / her happy. ”
“ Maybe I'll have fun. ”
“ Maybe I won't be bored. ”
Whatever it is that you're saying to yourself, if you really wanted to go, you wouldn't have all of these thoughts.
So, why not just say NO from the beginning ?
Perhaps out of guilt.
I am here to tell you that you have to leave guilt in the past.
The past is not meant to be part of the present.
Maybe you feel like if you don't show up at the meeting ( that by the way, is not a mandatory one ) your boss isn't going to like you or your co-workers won't respect you.
You need to do what is right for you.
Of course we do have real obligations in life to fulfill but we do not have to do everything, everyone wants us to do. Do you feel as if you can breathe already, just hearing that ?
Maybe you feel like your daughter won't call you anymore if you don't give her money every time she calls and asks for it, even though that's the only time she calls.
Maybe you feel like your son won't communicate with you as much if you don't listen to his whining for hours and hours on end, about the same thing, over and over again.
Maybe you feel as if your mom, dad or siblings won't love you as much if you don't do everything for them that they ask or attend every occasion.
If these people are your true friends, family members, or a good boss, they will like or love you the same no matter what.
People treat you the way you teach them to, and if you're someone who always says yes then that's what they're expecting.
I learned you can say NO !!
Do what feels right for you.
Be authentic.
If you don't like a certain kind of music, don't go to that concert.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying don't compromise if someone does something you like and you want to reciprocate.
Sometimes relationships need compromise. I'm just saying don't say yes to everything.
Do you buy Girl Scout cookies from every friend's daughter ?
Do you buy chocolate bars from every Boy Scout that you know ?
It's fine if you really want them and can afford them but do you buy them just out of obligation ?
This is what I mean.
Learn how to say no. IT'S OKAY !
If a friend comes to you and says, 'Hey, I need $100.00 until Friday.'
Do you give it to them even though you are going to be short of cash and you don't know how you're going to get through the week, and now your bills are late ?
I'm here to say you do not have to.
IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO !!
I've come to learn that it is very important to learn to say NO !! It's okay.
People are still going to like you.
They may even respect you more because they know you are being authentic.
I'm not saying to say no to someone who really needs your help.
I'm talking about turning down that meeting that you really do not want to attend or that birthday party that you don't want to be a guest at because it's the same weekend as your sister's shower or the Playoffs.
Think for a moment how you feel when you say YES to something that you really don't want to do.
If you're like I once was, you can't sleep at night and you think about it way too much.
It weighs on your mind.
You try to find ways out.
You start thinking “oh it's not so bad, it will make him / her happy. ”
“ Maybe I'll have fun. ”
“ Maybe I won't be bored. ”
Whatever it is that you're saying to yourself, if you really wanted to go, you wouldn't have all of these thoughts.
So, why not just say NO from the beginning ?
Perhaps out of guilt.
I am here to tell you that you have to leave guilt in the past.
The past is not meant to be part of the present.
Maybe you feel like if you don't show up at the meeting ( that by the way, is not a mandatory one ) your boss isn't going to like you or your co-workers won't respect you.
You need to do what is right for you.
Of course we do have real obligations in life to fulfill but we do not have to do everything, everyone wants us to do. Do you feel as if you can breathe already, just hearing that ?
Maybe you feel like your daughter won't call you anymore if you don't give her money every time she calls and asks for it, even though that's the only time she calls.
Maybe you feel like your son won't communicate with you as much if you don't listen to his whining for hours and hours on end, about the same thing, over and over again.
Maybe you feel as if your mom, dad or siblings won't love you as much if you don't do everything for them that they ask or attend every occasion.
If these people are your true friends, family members, or a good boss, they will like or love you the same no matter what.
People treat you the way you teach them to, and if you're someone who always says yes then that's what they're expecting.
I learned you can say NO !!
Do what feels right for you.
Be authentic.
If you don't like a certain kind of music, don't go to that concert.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying don't compromise if someone does something you like and you want to reciprocate.
Sometimes relationships need compromise. I'm just saying don't say yes to everything.
Do you buy Girl Scout cookies from every friend's daughter ?
Do you buy chocolate bars from every Boy Scout that you know ?
It's fine if you really want them and can afford them but do you buy them just out of obligation ?
This is what I mean.
Learn how to say no. IT'S OKAY !
If a friend comes to you and says, 'Hey, I need $100.00 until Friday.'
Do you give it to them even though you are going to be short of cash and you don't know how you're going to get through the week, and now your bills are late ?
I'm here to say you do not have to.
IT'S OKAY TO SAY NO !!
oceangypsy
This is me or was me.....Always a people pleaser until I learned better and adopted my new mantra "Don't let anyone be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option". I love to help people in need and continue to do so but no longer do I agree to help someone that doesn't have the time of day to return the favor, if I need it. This is a great post, Barb. Thank you.
lynn49
I can relate to you oceangypsy
lynn49
I can relate to what you are saying Oceangypsy.
carolmj
Not being seen as authentic, just might scare me into being a little more honest about how I spend my limited energies!
Yrod
Ocean I was just like you. Always said yes because I wanted to please everybody. One fine day I got out my paper and pen. Writing out the coming week " things to do." This time I did something I had never done before. I started off as I should have been doing all along. 1. My Man 2. Our children 3. Home 4. Vehicles "fill up gas, motor checked, tires, washed. 5. Groceries 6. Job. Then I looked at the items I had said yes to. Uh huh. Who was I cheating on? My Man as usual was working out of town. He would come home sometimes one weekend a month. So it was my children and our home. This was not right. I was totally overbooked. I called everyone I had said yes to and bowed out. My children had their weekly jobs to do around out home. Their rooms never counted as that was their job to keep up. Called the janitor where I worked at and discussed the heavy cleaning that I needed done. Shampoo carpets, washing windows that type of thing. Ok a little spendy but what I was buying was time. Seldom can a person ever purchase time. Then I sat my children down at the dining room table. They each had their own bulletin boards of what they had to do for the coming week. We had a great discussion. We always ate breakfast and dinner together. But what I did was add "our time." It was not always going somewhere. It could be as simple as watching a movie together. But what we decided on it was just us three together. We had the neighborhood house. The basement was fixed as the girls play room. Foosball, ping pong, stereo, tv. That type of thing. So that was continued. But all day saturday was our time. Saturday evenings remained the same. Friends and games in the play room. Thing is I had a very demanding job which I loved. I could not change that. But my point is our lives got better. All by learning to say NO. It was a hard lesson to learn. But the payoff was tremendous.
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