Foster Families Community Group
This is for all the foster families out there who want to be heard. We are the voices of the children that we care for. I am a foster mom and I love what I do
I have a sixteen year old foster daughter that came to my home 4 months pregnant. I love the both of them as two new additions to our family. However, at times she has a attitude that commands things, that will say "okay", when you ask her to do something but, it never gets done or it gets done on her timing. I am not sure what she wants to call me for her baby grandma are idk. My other fifteen year old daughter asked her recently, "Are you my sister," and she responded, "Is your mother my mother," my daughter said, "Yes," and she said, "Well, I am your sister then". Should I take that has my answer idk their are other times where her words do not match her actions. I just want to move at her pace, I want to show her that we love her but, i want it to be a geniuie reciporcal relationship. Is that something that foster children (teens) are capable of doing or am I asking for too much? I too do not want to be hurt by giving so much love out only to find that WE are not loved back. I do not like to be used of lied too, these two things I cannot take.
ritahenderson
I was a foster child at age sixteen. I found myself craving love from my foster family. I didn't always act like it but that was me as a confused child. what helped me open up to my family and respect them was one time my foster mom sat me down and explained to me that i was in her home and i was a guest until i could gain trust. she told me that if i lied to her she would treat me as a child but if i was honest with her she would treat me as an adult and that it was up to me to make the choice on how i wanted to be treated. it was not a year until i started calling her mom. I chose that on my own and when i first said it my foster mom was shocked but she was happy. let her come to you when she is ready. make sure she knows the rules and let her know your willing to be whatever she needs. if she needs a friend be there. if she wants a mom be there. she will have anger for a while because she is working out the confusion. let her know that her anger is okay as long as she conducts it in a respectful manner. my mom told me i could be angry but i had to do it in my room. i am now a foster parent and i do the same thing with my toddler. im sure she is grateful to have you in her life i know i was grateful to have my foster home. i didn't always show it but deep down i wouldn't trade it for a thing. also when asking her to do things or chores, try putting it in a perspective that she would understand. try story telling. ask her how she would feel if her daughter was asked to clean up something and chose not to do it when asked. ask her what she would do if her daughter didn't obey. then tell her that respect only comes from those who are respected.
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