New to this group, and glad to find it. My parents died when I was in my 20s, over 30 years ago; my sister was schizophrenic and had verbally abused me, so though I loved her and stayed in contact with her, I also stayed as far away from her as I could get until she died about 7 years ago. Never been good at friendships; people like me but I lack some of the abilities to maintain a normal friendship so have never had more than a few close friends. My closest friend died last September, throwing me into a severe depression for about 6 months, and just when I'd risen back out of it my oldest, dearest friend died. No one to call when I see something funny on TV, no one to go anywhere with, basically no one at all except for the people I work with. I have lunch with a few of them but almost never see any of them outside of work. My HR director is kind; if I didn't show up for a day or so without calling in she'd send the police after me, but other than that no one would really question it if I disappeared. I've tried and am trying to find new friends, but almost no one I know thinks or believes the same way I do, no one is interested in the things I find interesting, and even if I could find someone I really don't know how to hold a friendship together. (I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, considered a very low-level autism-spectrum disorder, and we don't do social relationships well.) I knew I'd end up alone, but I'm only 56 and I hadn't thought it would happen quite so soon. I guess the good news is that casual acquaintances and co-workers like me, so at least I'm not ostracized or totally inept in public. But after waiting all week for the freedom of the weekend, I find myself sitting at home, alone, wondering why I bothered to get out of bed. When I was younger I used to go places by myself, but now that just makes me lonelier. I know it could be much worse -- in fact, during most portions of my life it has been worse -- so this is a whine. So many people have worse situations I feel like I should apologize for this. Just needed to get it off my chest -- thanks for your patience in reading.
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