FANTASY LAND Community Group

For anyone with thoughts of sex.....whether you are going through a dry spell, in a sexless marriage, alone at the moment or in a perfect relationship ...... Here you can share something you may desperately miss, or desire to try, a question you are curious about, or something bizarre you want to see how many of us even know what it is.... for all our curious minds...

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Just trying to adjust each day for sake of kids

fromnowon
fromnowon

Been separated for over 10 years and not moving forward with divorce until last child is in college which will be soon.  Their angry, mental mother has demeaned, insulted and is cruel to the boys almost always, and have spent much time defending them and being an intercessor.  Etremely frustrating at times and also gets me upset, but hoping in the end there will be benefits to this carve out of life.  Feel guilty even when with friends and not with my boys, and that's not to explain the sexual frustrations and loneliness.  Just needed someone sometimes to vent with and also to hear their advice. have many friends through both before separation and now, but most have heard the daily strife stories too long and kind of over hearing.  Don't have any desire to get back together and getting divorce will inevitably limit my time with them which now I have almost fee reign to see.  Still, would be nice to have someone to listen and in time move to next stpe both emotionally and intimacy.

Gutted
Gutted
Sorry you're going through this. You seem to have been in a holding pattern for a long time. That can be soul crushing. Getting out and spending time with friends is the best thing you can do for yourself. Never feel guilty about that! Hope you can finally find some peace once the divorce is complete.
Group Founderveggiequeen
veggiequeen
I understand what it is like to be in a bad situation for a long time. I have been married for 15 years, but for more than the last 10 there has been no affection, communication, or help of any kind. (Hubby completely shut down emotionally, physically....and is perfectly content that way. His needs are still being met.) I tried that for awhile, but it left me with absolutely nothing to look forward to and I dreaded each new day.

I am in the process of beginning divorce proceedings (We have no children) I have been trying to tell him why and then that this was what I want but he continues to persuade me to prolong things.
fromnowon
fromnowon
Thank you both for your comments. Trying to look forward to Christmas and New Years with the boys and keeping the tempers low in their house so they can have an enjoyable holiday season. Three out of the house in college starting in the fall and one still in high school so pressing on.
Group Founderveggiequeen
veggiequeen
sorry...hit send too soon.....

With you being already separated.....you shouldn't have to put your life on hold.....Spend time with friends ...and don't feel guilty.....I am sure she is the one behind laying on the guilt (my husband does it well too) And what you said about feeling like friends are tired of hearing it......I can relate.... That is part of the reason i wound up here (on DS) So many of us go through similar circumstances.

Hubby and I are still under the same roof but I am feeling so lonely (and yes, sexually frustrated ..) It took me awhile, but I have come to realize it was not because I was a horrible, unlovable, undesirable person.....but because of his own issues. I have come a long way.....now am way too chatty....overly curious and decided I do want to step back into life again.

Please forgive me.....but now I have finally gotten brave enough to simply ask or say what is on my mind. I do tell everyone I am a poor deprived soul....but I continue to learn....

PS I am wondering do you share custody of the boys (or the one still left at home) right now?
Group Founderveggiequeen
veggiequeen
After seeing your last post..."keeping tempers low in their house" does answer my question they are with her alot.. I am guessing this is why you are not moving forward with your own life toward another friendship or relationship...because you are trying to keep peace with the witch to keep the drama down for your sons. If this is the case, i am so sorry for what she is putting you through.
fromnowon
fromnowon
veggiequeen, i have rights through law to see them now which is exactly what they/I need. If went through a divorce then she would have more custody and further take out her frustrations in their lives. At least now she has to deal with me when she is cruel, angry with them as I will intercede, This seems to be my second job every day. I don;t like it, neither would anyone I know, but that's my role now. I'm just trying to keep peace and have the boys someone to turn to at any time. if there weren't children involved, it would have been addition by subtraction 10 years ago.