Is a sad and sorry state when my frustration is so built up....both sexually and due to some annoying obstacles being hurled at me while i try to continue on my well laid plan of success.  As a result, my progress is going back a step or two (I feel a twinge of that old self loathing try to beat me over the head into submission again)   I am not giving up.

So I did all I knew to do....I sent an SOS to a very special friend. To have someone who will be there to listen...who accepts (and welcomes) everything about me... including that playful, naughty side. Somene who knows just what I want and need....as I do him...and would do just that...well... if we were on the same side of the world.

To know someone actually finds me attractive, sexy and wants to share all that with me gives me a glimmer of hope.

So I jump on the bike for awhile (definitely not my first choice to be riding at this moment. lol)...imagine my SM and my toys and I do the best I can.   Eventually, I did feel much better.