Family Scapegoats Community Group
This is a Group for discussing Scapegoating. The Scapegoat is often the family member who tells or acts out the truth ("the Truth Teller") regarding the family's dysfunction that no one else is prepared to acknowledge or talk about. It is this truth telling that makes them the target for carrying the blame for all the family's problems. If you are the Scapegoat...
The first time I had a feeling there was something fundamentally wrong in my family I was 5 years old. We were getting ready to go to the mall to see a children's show when I fell down the stairs in our house and broke my arm. In severe pain I cried but was ignored and yelled at to put my coat on. My family went to the mall and to where the show was going to be. I was still crying and was trying to hold my arm in a way that did not hurt. My parents realized that something must be wrong at this point and we all left before the show started so that I could go to the hospital. The whole family was mad at me. I ended up in a cast. This story is now still brought up at every family gathering and I am shamed for making everyone miss the free show at the mall. It is over 20 years later.
The next time was worse. I was running around the yard with two of my siblings. For some reason it was irritating my father and he took a broom with a wooden handle and swung it across the yard. It hit the side of my head hard. I remember not crying but calmly going upstairs to my room and laying down. I touched the side of my head and it felt wet. I looked at my hand- it and my pillow were covered in blood. I went and showed my father. He took me to the hospital after having my siblings tell me I had to lie about what happened or the family would be split apart. I felt very intimidated and scared. At the hospital I did lie about what happened thinking that if I didn't I would be at fault for destroying the family. I was 8 years old. I needed 5 stitches in my head. This has become another story my family likes to retell as a way to hurt me. There were many other incidents in my life of emotional, verbal and physical abuse from my family but those two times stand out in my mind.
I am 36 now. I try to have little contact with my family. When I slip back in it always ends with a lot of hurt and takes me a long time to recover. I am thankful for the knowledge that none of this was my fault and am thankful I live far away from these people. I left at 22 and it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I am trying to heal the emotion wounds but it is hard. My loving husband supports me even through my depression and anxiety. I want a better life for myself.
