Family Scapegoats Community Group
This is a Group for discussing Scapegoating. The Scapegoat is often the family member who tells or acts out the truth ("the Truth Teller") regarding the family's dysfunction that no one else is prepared to acknowledge or talk about. It is this truth telling that makes them the target for carrying the blame for all the family's problems. If you are the Scapegoat...
I have read a lot of articles about NPD and believe that my mother, father and sister all have the traits. My sister was the golden child in our family and truly lacks self -awareness. She could do no wrong in my parents eyes and I was the scapegoat. My mother has told me "my sister didn't cry until I was born", "I always take the bad traits from people, not the good" plays down my accomplishments, competes with me in subtle ways and has a hard time complimenting anyone around her. When I am around my family I feel drained. My mother is a chronic complainer and always seems to bring up things that take the wind out of me and my sister's sails. My dad was physically abusive towards me only and when I confronted him when I was 33 my mother said it was all in my mind and she was worried that I might be crazy. My father and I spent 8 years not talking and recently are trying to have a relationship. He still won't recognize the abuse even though he himself was abused by his dad. I communicate with my dad directly, but my sister tries to speak to him for me. I calmly told her straight out that I can talk to my dad directly. I find her wanting to do that to be controlling and out of guilt for some reason.
While I was pregnant my sister, which I cut off before my pregnancy contacted me on my bday to beard and insult me. She found out that I was pregnant and was enraged by me not telling her even though we weren't in contact. I told her not to contact me any longer because of the way she talks to me and blocked her from my phone. Every encounter with my family is truly exhausting and the happiest times of my life were ones when I wasn't in contact with my sister or dad.
I practice mindfulness and have had CBT and I feel like my family hates that I have boundaries and can express myself calmly.
I just went to a NPD family member support group and I felt a bit like an outsider in some ways. My parents and sister have tendencies, but I am not sure they were complete NP types. I am here for possible validation and feedback. I know I can't tell my entire family story of my upbringing on here, but from what I wrote does it sound like they can have NPD?
Thanks for your support.
We all have different stories, and none of us are trained professionals, so we cannot begin to diagnose anyone. :-) The only person who can truly understand your own situation is you. It seems as though you have been scapegoated, and gaslighted. As far as narcissism, my view is that we all have some narcissistic traits, but some have more than others.
For me, the light went on when I started reading about scapegoating. Prior to this, I really felt there was something wrong with me since I was the one on the outside all the time. The more I read (and also received professional counselling), the more I understood the family dynamics, and realized that my only hope was to get away and build my own happy life.
It seems you have reached the same conclusion in your own life. My opinion is that it doesn't really matter whether or not the others are narcissists. That is for them to figure out... or not. What matters is that I am creating happiness within my own circle.
I hope you will continue to build your own happy life, and not allow negativity to bring you down.
You are creating your own circle and I give you so much credit because I know how hard that can be. Keep doing what you're doing and stay strong.
Thanks again!
There are things we all dislike about ourselves. If you do an analysis of your personality type, you will see that each type has positive and negative traits. With time, we have to love ourselves anyways.... even if it feels members of our families of origin don't.
Keep moving forward. It gets better.