Family Scapegoats Community Group
This is a Group for discussing Scapegoating. The Scapegoat is often the family member who tells or acts out the truth ("the Truth Teller") regarding the family's dysfunction that no one else is prepared to acknowledge or talk about. It is this truth telling that makes them the target for carrying the blame for all the family's problems. If you are the Scapegoat...
Had a really heartbreaking dream about my brother last night whom I’m estranged from. I dreamt he was a very little boy and he was scampering ahead of me on the sidewalk and he hurt himself and came running back to me for help.
Now I have great sadness inside again and longing to take care of him just like I would've when he was little.
Fact is though now he's an adult man in his 60s but he is still my little brother in my heart.
And now the last I knew he has cancer and I cannot take care of him, cannot help him, cannot make it better - cannot even talk to him because he's cut me off.
Our contact has been sporadic at best the best few years and came to a complete halt about six months ago or more - not my idea. Fact is he seems determined to relegate me to the position of being some kind of dog at the table begging for scraps; and my most recent attempt to reach out to him via email went completely unanswered and ignored as have other attempts in the past.
And now I have no self-esteem left, no self respect with regards to him. A friend who knows the details of the situation has told me a couple of times to hold off and that my brother knows fully well where I am if he wants contact with me. My gut is telling me that my brother, whose surrounded by a loving family, is perfectly fine severing ties permanently and never gives me a moment's thought and furthermore, it's only me who is eating my heart out.
By the way, I'm a loner myself, but I realize a part of the reason I am is b/c I've been so abused & mistreated by the very folks who're supposed to love me that I'd rather be alone than risk opening myself up to more abuse. Thing is, once we heal those wounds, it gets easier to open up. There's love & support out there for each of us, & it will be there for us when we reach out for it b/c WE DESERVE IT. [Just MUST stop reaching for support from toxic family members]
I'm sure you may have fond memories of your brother when he was younger, when you grew up together -- hold onto those, grieve the loss of THAT brother, b/c he is truly already dead. The 'brother' who abuses you, who is sick with cancer, isn't your real brother. Like I said, your real brother died a long time ago. I have similar family issues, only I have 7 siblings, & I realize now I lost them all such a long time ago, only I failed to recognize it & allow the grieving process. I'm doing that now. It's really difficult, but it's very healing.
Anyway, you're in my thoughts. You deserve support. I hope my words have helped a little.