swings are scary to me, and they trigger an old memory of swinging on the back porch railing. my stepmom pushed me off, but i didnt want to fall all the way, so i held on but one hand came off the railing, i gripped tighter with the remaining hand, and her push made me twist in a circle cos only one arm was holding. i twisted so hard that it broke my arm. she told my dad that i swung on the railing and she told me to stop. she said that i just wouldnt listen to her, and i started to fall, she told him she tried to grab me, to save me, but it was to late. my arm was twisted around till it was broke. and i got in trouble for swinging on the back porch railing. as well as for lieing about her invovement. my dad believed her, cos she had allready convinced him through other abuse, that i was a BAD KID, and would not listen to anyone. she would tell me not to eat at dinner tonight, then my dad would say eat your dinner, or your in trouble. so either way i was fucked. i ussally did what she told me, cos her punishments were way worse then what my dad made me do. so, he thought i was a VERY BAD BOY, and i would not listen to anyone. no matter what, i was in trouble with someone. always bieng a BAD BOY. my dad thought i was being stuborn and will full, and BAD. but he was wrong, i always wanted to mind him, and listen, and more importantly then that all i wanted was somone to notice me with love in their hearts, and terll me that i was a good boy, but no one did. why? why i wasnt bad. i have to go, im making myself sob in the library again.