im not so good right now. those feelings of shame, guilt, bad, not real, unwanted, and unloved. they feel like their pulling me down, dragging me under. i dont know, maybe i should just give in to what they tell me. im so freakin tired of fighting, and feeling like im getting nowhere. sometimes it feels like a worthless struggle. kind of like that one guy in (was it dantes inferno, or old greek legends) but he is in hell, and his job is to push this huge boulder up a hill, but everytime, right before he gets to the top, it rolls back down, running him over, and he has to start again. repitition. one step forward one back, two forward, six back. sometimes it feels like im gaining ground, but not for long. joey.