This is a very complicated, sad story.  My husband and I have been in counseling for over 15 years and even the psychologist who mentors other phsychologists said he had a good track record until we came along.  I will try to keep this brief; Father from a wealthy family who had little involvement with their own children; Mother from a blue-collar family; Mother raised with a father who had a volatile temper whose mother and younger brother cowarded to him but she did not; Mother raised in a German family whose belief that a male child was the only child; Father raised in a family that money solved everything.  Parents have three children, now 41, 37.5 and 31, two girls (older) and younger boy.  Idyllic childhood admitted by children.  Father passive; Mother disciplarian.  Children rather deal with father.  Oldest daughter our most difficult child; manipulator was age 15 months.  Oldest daughter flunked out of college; went part-time to get back into local, state university; blamed Father for abuse out of anger; retracted statement 10 years later without an apology; became a RN; moved away for 10 years; had sexual addition along with alcohol and drug addition all the while received money from in-laws and emtionally support from Mother for Father's 'abuse'; I stood strong with my husband to my Mother's chagrin; Mother turned on me; Mother very vindicative, manipulative, passive agressive, etc.; oldest daughter tried three times to have boyfriends committed as menaces to society; third time worked; arrested and charged; living with parents at the time; lost nursing license, one semester from completing NP license/lost; scandel in newspaper, TV/CNN, etc; we paid for her lawyer and supported her through situation; ransacked our home on drunken/drug addicted binges; two totalled car accident/in-laws purchased new cars; I went to Al-amon and was told I was enabling her; told her that we would take her to the hospital if another ransack/drunken drug addited binge occurred; in-laws and mother passed; went to my brother for money.told him we had kicked her out of the house; lived with us a month without our knowledge of leaving; borrowed car and moved out while we were at work; blamed me for not using her EZ-Pass for leaving; one month in hospital close to death from overdose; rehab; nursing license reinstated; prior to last occurance parents had her in 4 rehabs; married with 3 year-old child; estranged.  Second daughter was upset with sister untill we refused to financially support her freshman year spring break vacation with boyfriend at 18 years old; went to in-laws for money and Mother's mother for emotionally support; followed in sister's footseps; but leared brother out of our home when he was 17 to live in her apartment/supported by in-laws/provided him no parental controls/went away weekends so he could have keg parties, etc./always been mother to our son.  Son molested at age 6 by oldest daughter/we did not find out about it until he was 20; left home to live with sister at age 17; run ins with the law; DWI; went to jail; alcoholic; went to court-required rehab; received financial assistance from in-laws/we bought him a truck but he did not like it so in-laws bought him a truck that he liked/robbed our home/hooked up with drug dealers in college/caught as a body guard/went to prison for 8 years/does not think for himself/relies on youngest sister for all decisions/all legal fees paid by us for both our oldest daughter and son/all counseling set up by us and supported by us; son out of prison for 1.5 years; married; has love child who is 8 years old born while in prison.  Father suffered from severe depression/hospitalized for 6 weeks/39 ECTS/over situation with kids; I tried to hold it together but finally refused to take any more emotional abuse.  Estrangement!  We divorced/husband would not work for 8 years/children stress.  Together again/42 years/not perfect/husband barely working. I started a woman-owned business on kitchen stove; ran it alone for 10 years/husband joined for last 20 years/down turn in economy/husband made poor management decision/sold company for pennies/lost all retirement, etc.  Brother received entire mother's estate with exception of monetary gifts to children/I received best gift of all taking care of my mother until she died in my arms/never resolved family involvement by mother.  Everything I/we do is viewed negatively by adult children/twist everything/never apologized for anything/both parents have given blank apology.  I wished them each a Happy New Year and suggested this could  be the year of a beginning of reunification via phone calls.  Received an email with demands that we as parents had to meet to join our three children along with their spouses in a counseling session with therapist of their chose.  I flip flip from being angry to being loving.  All of our children have a child.  They tell us they will do everything in their power to protect their child/I will always feel guilty over the situation with our 6-year old and our 16-year old.  Love child given up by mother/I flew to Idaho to reassure grandchild that she was loved and could always count on us/her father loved her deep in his heart and so did her mother.  Portrayed in demanding email that I portrayed our son as a terrible father and went to ID to involve grandchild in situation.  Question - where do we go from here?  Doesn't everything have to be unravelled to move forward so everyone can trust again.  Without trust how can you have a relationship?  Don't adult children feel any responsibility to be kind and loving to their paents?  But they demand unconditional love from us and NO looking back into the past but in their demanding email they looked back into the past.  Why do they see things the way they want to to benefit them?  Please give me some advice as to what we should do.  Thank you.  Laurie