Hello everyone, I haven't been here in a few years. i had to make up a new screen name, because i couldn't remember the old one, and I'm on a differenct computer. Well everyone, just to remind everyone. i was seperated from my husband, when he died tragically in 2009. Our/my only child a daughter was 22 at the tine, and out of the country when he died, i was in a different state. Well no one even bothred to tell me he died, including her. We were having some alienation issues as a result of the seperation, but nothing like this, anyway she just broke contact off. I found this group 2 years into the estrangment. I was sucidal, everyday was a struggle. i could not get out of bed. I had no idea where she was, any email I had for her, was never returned, and i didn't even know where she was exactly what her plans were, what her lfie was like, nothing. When i got on here, people were great, they told me to try to make my life happy, because when we found each other again, she wouldn't want to be around a sucical depressed mother etc. Being on here was a doubled edge sword, on one hand people were so supportive, and I owe a million thank yous to all of them on the other hand it was hard reading about everyone's pain, I was in so much pain, it was so hard to really help anyone else. i just got off of here, and walked around half a person, with a big cinder block in front of me, where ever I waent and whatever I did, that's how I felt. not did I just lose my husband of 24 years, and we weren't on the best of terms when he died, but I lost my only child too. While iI was depressed, I became obsessed with finding her, and just extending the olive branch. it was so hard even with the internet, because if anyone knew where she was, they weren't telling me. I finally found her in October, of this year. After four long years. I just sent her an email to her work email address. I said so and so has died, and time just marches on, you're 26 none of s live forever, do you really want to go forward like this? Whatever i did, I don't care, what i have to do, to fix this i will do, please call me! After exactly 3 minutes after I pushed send, she called me, i just broke down. After four years of trying to find her, and finally talking to her, i thought it would feel different or maybe I didn't think about how it would feel. I just know we are working on our issues, but yesterday I talked to her again, and she apolgized i apologized, and we are working on our relationship and that is just wonderful, a new beginning, I know her father is looking down on us and is happy. i just want to tell everyone, that there is hope, and never give up, even if it seems hopeless, and be the bigger person, even if you didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't a perfect parent, but i always loved my daugher, and put her first, and she knows that, and yesterday, she said " i love you mommy", i have some peace now, that i didn't have two months ago. I know we will see each other again, even though we are now on differenst sides of the county. I did the work and extended the olive branch, so put the pride away, beause a million pounds of pride means nothing when you have that much inner pain. I will get on here and chekc things from time to time, holidays are here, extend those branches, and you never know when someone will grab one of the branches, if the branch isn't there, they can't grab them, peace!