Estranged Grandparents from NJ and neighboring states Community Group
Being an estranged grandparent is a traumatic journey with valleys of despair and hills of hope. The same can be said about estrangement from our adult children. Our estrangements can be devastating, resulting in isolation, depression and many other unhealthy emotions. Family and friends are unable to understand our pain. The main goal of Estranged Grandparents is to...
I hope it's okay I joined here ...
My ED has my 2 grandbabies hostage. The oldest is 8 and she is the one I was closest to and took care of until she was 3.
I guess I thought that when they got old enough, I'd contact them and see them again.
However, I suppose they can hold them hostage even beyond the age of 18 ... eventually, if we are still here, perhaps they will get curious and contact us.
I have thought a lot about what I would say ... I don't want to create any hedge between them and their mother and father ... the truth is pretty bad what my daughter has done to us and to them .... Would I tell them? That is a question that stays with me. I don't know.
I suppose God will give me the grace when I need it and not before ... it's heavy to think about. I am sure it won't happen the way I would imagine anyway.... Just sad and so unnecessary ... but then sin is like that .... steals, kills and destroys ... Thank you, I enjoyed reading your posts here...
My ED has my 2 grandbabies hostage. The oldest is 8 and she is the one I was closest to and took care of until she was 3.
I guess I thought that when they got old enough, I'd contact them and see them again.
However, I suppose they can hold them hostage even beyond the age of 18 ... eventually, if we are still here, perhaps they will get curious and contact us.
I have thought a lot about what I would say ... I don't want to create any hedge between them and their mother and father ... the truth is pretty bad what my daughter has done to us and to them .... Would I tell them? That is a question that stays with me. I don't know.
I suppose God will give me the grace when I need it and not before ... it's heavy to think about. I am sure it won't happen the way I would imagine anyway.... Just sad and so unnecessary ... but then sin is like that .... steals, kills and destroys ... Thank you, I enjoyed reading your posts here...
I scheduled the first Alienated Grandparents Anonymous (AGA) meeting in NJ for this Saturday. I am not sure how many people, if any, will attend, but I am willing to give it a try. In my e-mails to interested grandparents, I provided information about Daily Strength and this site, in particular, but no one came on. After this weekend, I will decide what to do with this DS group. Difficult, if you have any thoughts, ideas, suggestions, please feel free to pm me.
In response to your post, I had the same thoughts about my grands that you do. I would say to myself that I would just wait until grands were older, then I would change my mind and would send my es a text or e-mail and the results were usually not good. In fact, my actions probably did more harm than good.
I continued to act on my emotions rather than wisdom, even after having prayed and sensing God was saying "wait....not now." It is so difficult because the grandma bond is so deep and emotional. Also, we are older and I think we see "time" differently than when we were younger.... and there seems to be more of a sense of urgency to make things right.
I was hoping that when my gs began to drive or turned 18, he would come and see me. I need to share with you that if I had not acted on my emotions about a year ago, my gs probably would have been here. (He recently got his driver's license) When I unexpectedly ran into my es and had a verbal confrontation with him, it pushed my es to the point where he no longer allowed me to see my grands and he decided to cement things by telling a lie to my gs and gd....a lie which they both believe.
I would also recommend not saying anything negative about our ec to our grands. No matter what, they are still their parents. And no matter how desperately we want to defend ourselves to our grands I, personally, would not.....unless gc directly ask about a situation or about something they think was said. I did attempt to defend myself in a text to my es and my gs read it. GS totally misinterpreted what I had said (as often happens in our texts and e-mails). I couldn't believe gs did not understand my text, but he didn't.
If I could go back in time and redo my past actions, I would be much quieter.... maybe on occasion send a very simple text or e-mail wishing a happy birthday or holiday greeting, say that I loved them and that would be all....nothing else. You are a Believer, Difficulttime2, so you know Jesus never defended himself. I thought of that so many times but, again, I let my emotions get ahead of me and often acted on impulse.
What worked best for me was when I prayed for a scripture verse that I could cling to. The verse God me was Joel 2:25 ".....I will restore to you.....the years the locust ate...." I waited 10 years (the first time my es and I were estranged) but that verse sustained me. And God did restore the years, when es had his first child...we reconciled. And we were reconciled for 14 years...up until now.
But the story is not over for any of us. Dh and I are moving forward in our lives but pray and never give up hope....only God knows the end of the story. Prayers and lots of hugs being sent to you.
I think there is a real need for estranged grandparents to have this kind of support and you are right, I don't think there is anything like it on DS.
I would encourage you to open this up and invite all estranged grandparents. Let me know if you choose to do that and I will send an invite to my friend's list and ask if I can post it on the Christian estrangement site on DS. I will wait to hear from you on that.
After 5 and 1/2 years of estrangement from my ED, SIL, and two grandbabies, I know I have questions and concerns that can really only be talked out with other estranged grandparents who 'get it.'
Our precious innocent little ones are held hostage from the love we so want to give them ... it's a hard thing to navigate and I couldn't have without the Lord literally lifting me out of the pit so many times.
Love what you said about Joel 2:25 ... "I will restore you ... the years the locust ate...." What a testimony.... I'm leaving heavily on His promises. Looking forward to seeing how the Lord uses this group of shunned grandmothers....