My sistuation is quite a long story. My husband and I have been together for 23 years married 17. We met when I was 15 and him 17. We have always had a drought relationship ups and downs so to say. We had our first child two months before we were married. I was his first sexual encounter. The cheating starting on his end even before we were married he took a girl home one night and kissed her felt bad and broke up with me. He took another girl home who needed a ride and ended up sleeping with her. I didn't find this out until I was pregnant with my son. When we got engaged and I had told him while we were not dating I had had a sexual relationship with someone else 2 years earlier. Granted we were dating while he slept with this girl. We stayed together got married all was pretty well for several years. We had another child 3 years later who is Autistic.
Well 5 years ago I befriended a woman who fell head over heals for me and she kissed me, I told him out right I didnt want her she was crazy obsessed with me and he got angry and slept with my bestfriend. I forgave him we went on. Come 3 years ago he was on his phone all the time texting, would never put it down, distant from me ect. I asked him if he was ok he would say yes. A woman from work would call he would say oh she needs to know something, I trusted him. I would go to work he would meet her our 17 yr old son caught him and him talking and texting her and confronted him. I found his phone all kinds of nasty messages about me saying I would not put out and I was just awful things it hurt. He accused me so many times of cheating yet I never did , except when we were apart. This womans husband even called me to tell me what was going on. I forgave him again all was well for a few months. I asked him to go to counseling he won't.
Well all was well for a few months then he started pushing me away. Yelling being his old self I can't stand living in constant fear I will say something to make him upset. He dont like me going anywhere with friends I feel I must tell him who when and where. I stay depressed and feel so down. I've lost 150 lbs and I'm wondering if that's why he did what he did. I did feel more beautiful until this.
Well in Feb a co worker befriended me and we became close. He confided in me his wife had an affair and they were now divorced. He could tell I had a heavy heart and well one thing led to another over a few months. We ended up kissing and sparks flew, I have not felt this way in years. He makes me feel beautiful and like I am wanted and needed. Not only sexually but as a person. I know I love my husband but I am not in love with him. I fear asking for a divorce he wouldn't have it as he is so demanding and controlling. I ended up sleeping with this man who is 11 years my Sr. I dont feel ashamed as my husband only wants to make me feel like I am a object for his satisfaction when i have sex with him. I have never been the one who was pleasured first in my whole life. Now I am stuck in a cross roads and I know yall may have some negative things to say. However with a Autistic child it's also hard to change a environment for her granted it's not the best of one. She still loves him and he treats her good.
i am writing this out because I guess, I am trying to figure out what is going on in my mind. Had a huge argument with my boyfriend. Seems like my suspicions about his sister were right, she doesnt like me. And I had to force the truth out of him, and it hurt like hell. Although he was resistant to it, saying things like "i know your going through a lot lately that why I was protecting you from...
I've tried sending messages to 5 women on the match.com site and never gotten a responce and no one's contacted me. I have no friends irl despite trying to go to meetups. Everything feels hopeless, nothing ever works. The world was not made for people like me.