Emotional Abuse Community Group
This group is for people who live their lives with an emotionally abusive person. Often Isolation is a barrier to getting help and support from others who know what you are going through.
Hello- Im new to this group. I have been married for 8 years and the emotional abuse started about 6 years ago. It has been about everything you can think of in terms of emotional abuse. I am not perfect, but definitely have never done anything to warrant any of this behavior. I have been extremely faithful, have worked hard and am a very dedicated mom to our two children. I have gone to counseling for about 2 yrs for myself...he won't go. My 2 questions are, has anyone here dealt with their significant other only showing signs of affection after/day or two after intimacy? Also, has anyone dealt with their S.O. not looking at you when you talk, not answering and you do not even know if they heard your question? I ask my DH to talk in private and he will not step aside w me. After intimacy, he is like a diff person. Of course I am aware of the importance of intimacy, but he goes downhill very quickly, becomes disrespectful and this causes another cycle of lack if intimacy because the disrespect completely affects me emotionally. I am also aware of a man's need for respect and affirmation (I have sought advice from male counselors as well) and try hard to keep that in mind everyday. However, I am to the point that my patience with him is almost non-existent. Any advice on how to react/handle this is appreciated.
When we met, he loved my energy and funny personality but as we got married, I found myself being molded to this perfect wife. The quiet, meek, barefoot pregnant, had dinner on the table and cleaned the house. When we were out with friends, I didn't realize it was all about him and little to do about us.
When the children came, it was my focus. All my attention I wasn't getting from him became focused on them. He would attend social functions with me walking in his arms and disappear within 10-15 mins of our arrival. I was jus the trophy wife to make an entrance with. Attending the children's sports but never sitting or standing with me.
It finally got to the point I asked for a divorce. He wanted us to go to counseling but would only participate half-heartedly. Tried date night with other couples/friends. I realized when I had been a ghost our entire relationship when we were sitting there, he was talking to them as usual and the wife asked me something. I started to respond and he quickly cut in talking over me and loudly. I looked up at her and I realized I was 'that woman' when she gave me this pitied look.
I was also just an object for him to have sex with. There wasn't any thought to my needs or wants. He got what he wanted and would roll over and go to bed.
He made sure everyone took his side in our divorce by spreading vicious lies around town and even calling MY family to try to take his side.
I hold no bitterness towards him. I am just glad I am my own person again. It's not easy, I have relapse of insecurities but every day is one more day that I am myself.
I wish you the best.