Emotional Abuse Community Group
This group is for people who live their lives with an emotionally abusive person. Often Isolation is a barrier to getting help and support from others who know what you are going through.
I've been in emotionally abusive relationship for the past 2 years, and although I've had countless people tell me that,including a therapist, it's hard to accept that is what is, and I always go back and I have no idea why. It kills me.
My friends are becoming annoyed with my situation, and I'm finding it really hard to help myself. He's excellent at manipulating the situation, everything is always my fault, constantly asks if I'd ever consider getting a boob job, and that I should wear less makeup and just little put downs that stick with me. I've began to accept that being with someone is getting one message a day and being grateful for it.
He has a really high powered job and earns excellent money, a complete gym keeno and charmer, and I think that's why he feels like he can control me, and pretty much does.
Hes lied to me countless times, and even broke up with me when a friend caught him on tinder because apparently that meant I didn't trust him.
Recently, we got back together again, and things were amazing, he couldn't tell me enough how much he loved me, and he wanted it all with me .. to move in etc.
Agter that night, I discovered bday and xmas cards as well as date night instructions from another girl.. this was all last year when we were together and claimed he couldn't see me because of anxiety and then the whole tinder thing happened probably only days before xmas when he received this card. This cars suggested this girl was as besotted with him as I was.. and it kills me to say for probably over a year of our relationship he'd been seeing and sleeping with someone else.
I even think he still has this whole other parallel relationship going on - he doesn't know that I know.. I really want to confront him in person, but friends say he doesn't care and therefore it won't matter how much he's hurt me and will end up twisting it and somehow lying his way out of it, like because of how I acted he got with someone else or something.
I feel like I need to see him to get closure, but he's so convincing I'm not even sure I trust myself to delete him and get him out of my life forever, even after everything he's done. Even now the thought of him being with someone else makes me feel sick.
I just can't help but feeling that I wasn't enough.
Sorry for the absolute essay.
Any replies appreciated x
This has been going on for 7 years now and if I could tell myself 5 years ago to run away as fast as I can and never look back, I would. But the best I can do is to tell you that he does not want to change and does not care about changing and this will go on forever. If you choose to leave, and I hope you do, he might even try to get you back by telling you he's realising he was wrong and things are going to change now. IT'S A LIE.
At the time, I thought it was okay for me to give him one more chance, again and again and again because I loved him and I was still young and I had all the time in the world and I didn't care if I suffered. Now I feel like I made a huge mistake and I'm giving him all my twenties and he still hasn't changed and I'm still waiting for him to because I invested so much in this relationship. He has a way of making me doubt myself, my friends, my family, even his friends (the ones who are willing to help me). He'll make you think everybody around you who dare criticise him is either crazy or a liar.
Do not waste any more time, it's ONLY been 2 years. This is not a relationship, this isn't exclusive at all. It's the story of a guy who wants to feel powerful and takes advantage of other people and has many "relationships" going on. The end.
It's so hard - I plan to confront him on Thursday, but I feel like I need to prepared for him to twist it. I know he's lied and cheated.. I guess all I want him to do is admit too it and actually maybe even feel remorse for what he's done to me. Apparently narcissists can't do that though.
I just feel really trapped because I can't live like this knowing what he's done yet I know when I ask .. I'll get a barrage of excuses and probably end up thinking it's my fault.
I realise yours has been way longer - however it's hard to imagine my life without him .. I just don't know how I break the cycle. I feel like I'm addicted to him in the worst way.
To move in.. and today he's ended it saying he's considering going to work in America and clearly the live isn't as strong as he though and he wishes me all the best. I know I shouldn't be but I'm completely devastated and don't know what to do .. I know I should be relieved but I just feel completely wrecked
My advice is to be really kind to yourself, keep your ear to the ground of your guy intuition and research "trauma-bonding." Stop the cycle of you blaming yourself, you calling yourself stupid, etc. you're in a highly manipulative situation and the natural reaction to that is confusion. So be kind to the fragmented parts of yourself. They make sense based on what's happening. What I'm saying is hard to do (is advice for me too) but it is the groundwork for healing. Also have you read about narcissistic abuse?
Sending hugs