If i sat here and explained in detail every wrong thing about my relationship with my boyfriend. it would be a novel. so i will try to cut it short, i am in deep need of help and do not no where to turn. my friends are tired of hearing me "complain" so i am turning to another alternative which took some strength to share this. we have been dating on and off since we were in the 9th grade...so almost 7 years now. ever since i can remember he has been very protective. protective turned to controlling and controlling turned to anger. when we were in tenth grade he started to hit me and do awful things when i did nothing wrong, well nothing to be hit by. (this caused the on and off) after a few times of doing so, he stopped. his anger streaks kept getting worse and worse and instead of hurting me, he hurt my belongings and my feelings. i guess until the other day did i realize i really am emotionally damaged and am not happy anymore. i am continued to be sworn at crazy for doing absolutely nothing, and threatened then a day later he apoligizes but it always occurs again. its like a cycle we go through that apparently i do not have enough strength to leave it. now mixed with his anger, he does steroids every few months, and on top of this he became addicted to pills. now he blames his anger and lashing out on me on the pills but will not seek help to fix his problem. last weekend really topped it off for me as he said he would not be sad if he watched a bullet in slow motion go through my brain and that i am ugly, a cunt, a whore etc. all for going to a party (when i invited him) i was only there for 45 minutes. the next day he said sorry he didnt mean it and etc. then two days later i did something else "wrong" in his eyes. basically its a never ending cycle and i never realized until last weekend...that i am deeply upset and cant keep being put through this. i dont know what i am really asking other than an ear to listen, or advice on something like this. i know this is not a normal relationship there are 7 years of craziness that i was/am being put through and dont know where to turn anymore. you can only have so much hope until the other person keeps shattering it over and over....