Emotional Abuse Community Group
This group is for people who live their lives with an emotionally abusive person. Often Isolation is a barrier to getting help and support from others who know what you are going through.
Hi,
I'm in a emotionaly abusive relationship and I can't seem to stop going back to him. When I stand up for myself and bring to his attention his behavior is abusive he's response is I need help, and get on some medication. In other words I start thinking I'm crazy becasue he decides to ignore my for a day or does some other random hurtful thing. Is this common and how the abuser works? I didn't know I was even in an emtionally abusive relationship until 2 of my friends who don't know each other said they were concerned. That was an eye opener for me and scary. If anyone has any thoughts please share
Thank you
Yes it is common. It sounds like he may be a narcissist. I am currently married to one and am just trying to finish school so I can leave and support me and my son. It’s a very trying situation. I suggest you get out before you are in as deep as me. Does he go through cycles where he is super loving followed by devaluing you in some way? If so, the is gaslighting (aka crazy making), and is a form of brainwashing. It also forms a chemical dependency. The “love bombing” phase cause a euphoric high and when it is followed by an abrupt transition of being cold or abusive in any way (the devaluing phase), it causes withdraw. Then your left desperately awaiting for the next hit of affection. Not sure if this is happening, but you had mentioned that you keep going back to him. If he is a narcissist, there is pretty much a 99.9% chance that he is never going to change. And actually as you become more aware, they become better at brainwashing. And the psychological warfare continues. Anyways, I hope that you are finding your strength and not letting him make you think it is you. I thought it was me for a long time. My husband literally left me on my birthday right after having sex with me. Said he wasn’t attracted to anymore and that he liked someone at work. Moved out for 3 months. During that time I pretty much starved myself to loose weight and begged on my hands and knees for him to come back. He came back for one night and we had sex and then he left again. He told me it was my fault and to work on myself. Then he came back. But working on myself only made me realize, it wasn’t me! Not saying your situation is as extreme, I’m just trying to convince you that it is not you. Don’t ever forget that.
When my husband is going thru his super demeaning times I ignore him.. To the point he starts to question if I have gone deaf. I work with kindergartners so tuning things out is easy to do. He gets tuned out alot!
I suggest going to the library and finding a book or two on emotionally abusive relationships, and verbally abusive relationships too... Books on the subject helped me understand what was going on, how to get thru situations with an abusive partner. and made me feel better with the example stories.
The Emotionally abusive relationship is what I am currently reading. and the one titled Respect me Rules. Is what I read 4 years ago and has empowered me to stand up to his abusive ways and knock them back. Both books help you see the cycle of abuse and ways to stop it.