That I'm a victim of emotional abuse, and it's the reason I'm so f***** up. Because the person who abused me is still alive and she makes up lies threatens abuse Etc if I ever try to tell anyone. She tries to make it sound like it's my fault and I'm so horrible and she didn't do it. It's just too much for me that no one knows what happened to me. And I only was able to put it all together recently, just look at it from an outsider's perspective of just what obviously happened to me and how horrible and damaging it was. I never felt safe. I was a poor helpless child and every few seconds had to listen and look around to try to figure out if she was nearby. And if she was abusing me, I had to do what she programmed me to do, and I had to pretend I was her pretty little doll and everything was just peachy keen and whatever she did I had to politely put up with it or I'd be beaten into a seizure. And she just take me into a dark Vortex of hell whenever it was me and her. And I I am so angry. But I also feel sympathy for her cuz she was emotionally abused growing up and she just didn't know better and she doesn't know what she's doing and she's addicted to a drug and she's just not all there and we're both disabled we both have hard lives but it just really sucks that I don't get to tell anyone what I went through and all growing up I always wanted to tell someone and get help but I never could because she would lie about what really happened and it sucked it just hurts so much. I'm glad I get to say what happened here, thanks for understanding and reading