Emotional Abuse Community Group
This group is for people who live their lives with an emotionally abusive person. Often Isolation is a barrier to getting help and support from others who know what you are going through.
I’ve been married for over 3 years now. Got married when I was 20. My husband was a great guy when we were dating, but now I feel as though all he does is put me down and hold things over my head. He treats me like a child, explaining things as if I don’t know what they mean and then when I get offended he says that I’m too sensitive. He actually has made me think that I am crazy in the past. He’s very controlling of our money and hold over my head that he makes more than me therefore he can buy things and I can’t.
He insults me and my mental health issues (PTSD) constantly. Saying to just get over it and then he tells me what he would have done in that situation. He tells me that I am weak and that I would never be able to live on my own or be able to take care of myself. He also used to make fun of any fat that I had on my body. I am not overweight either. He will poke at my belly and not say anything, but I know he’s basically calling me fat. He’s even taken food out of my hand and said that I didn’t need that. I don’t know what to do. And I can’t take this anymore.
1. People who can't share money can't share anything. Generosity of spirit extends to the wallet. Cheapskates get worse, not better, as time passes.
2. People who criticize frequently have major issues beyond being weak and insecure. They often have personality disorders and major psychiatric illness. Why does he need you to be a piece of shit so that he can feel good? How does it serve him to keep reminding you that you're worthless? Good, healthy, strong people get nothing out of criticizing others. There's no payoff.
3. Abusers will latch onto anything they can to use against you but they will default to attacking you where it hurts most. If you're sensitive about your weight, they will constantly suggest you're fat without really saying it. Your hurt reaction and objections make them feel powerful. By the way, how much weight does he need to lose?
4. Verbal and emotional abuse are harbingers of more serious abuse down the road - especially if alcohol or drugs become a problem for the abuser. If he thinks nothing of insulting someone he's supposed to love, why would he stop at refusing to buy you food to eat? Why would he stop if he feels like hitting you?
5. Abusers will use money and their purported earning power against you. They will convince you that you can't survive without them and if you're disabled you'll probably buy in. But then they never share resources anyway. What financial advantage do you really have with this creep?
6. The longer victims continue to put up with mistreatment, the more damaged the victims generally become. After years of being told that reality isn't reality, victims are usually completely brainwashed and often unaware of the seriousness of what's happening to them. After years of making excuses for my ex and his family's and my family's lies, criticisms, cheating, stealing, name calling, delusions of grandeur and persecution, alcoholism, drug abuse, crimes, incarcerations, gambling, etc., etc., I finally got my wake up call. I didn't wake up until his hands were around my throat. I could've left years before that happened. It didn't have to get that far.
7. Anything you fear in leaving or even fighting back is nothing compared to the evil you're suffering with right now. I was chronically ill and in my late forties when I started a new life. I somehow managed to earn a good living and build an amazing life.
8. Cruel people blame their cruelty on others by telling them they're too sensitive. Are other people always telling you that you overreact? Does everyone say you're too sensitive?
9. There are some beautiful, loving, supportive, honest, strong, honourable people in this world. I know because I found them. Even if there weren't, I was much, much happier being alone than with any of the many people who kicked me around all my life. I will never waste another minute of my life putting up with mistreatment from anyone. It isn't just a waste of my life, it was destroying my soul.