To one degree or another my family emotionally abuses me,but I am the selfish one.

My son whose eighteen especially because he is Autistic on the spectrum a highly functioning  man who is austic. forgive my spelling I am writing this in stressed out confrontation  that happened  minutes ago.  My son was bullied at a young age in elementary school by students,and teachers.  He has developed PTST which my brother denies he has  he said it is only for the military vets,aka old retired military vets,and individuals still enlisted.   My sons words not mine call the police on me or I will beat your ass I want to gurt myself I want you to either call the police or I will hurt myself and If you don't I  will make you pay  and then a   slew of vulger,hurt to the core painful insults this ha happened  three days ago as well same verbal beat down.  I tell him tonight {becauseI am so hurt,angry,and hating him more and more every day  because of past threats him physically twice trying to break the door down while I am attempting  to get  hold of a doctor  to take him as  client just so I can get him the help he needs} I don't want him hear no more  because I am emotionally and physically tiried of him  treating me like this.  I know stupid move but you got to realize my brothers and my dad and my mom and even my ten year old yell at me because of  their frustration  in their life everyone takes it out on me. Unfortuntly my brother the one I have the  most problems with in the past and sometimes on his bad days the present  comes over because he has been known to be able to talk to him  hears me calls me childish  and saids{Don't you now he he is special you can't say stuff like this to him I try to explain I didn't start  this mess he did and I was only trying to defend myself against another one of his deeply hurtful  beat downs apprently I am to blame  my brother  mutters to me " No wonder he has problems"  I just give up noone  understands I try to bend over backwards  for him and I been trying to get him help but  sometimes it takes time and millions of phone calls   but  I am still the bad one. My brother  acted just like him when I was growing up my dad  did to I never did anything worthwhile I wasn't worth anything I was always a bitch  of course my brother  has physically put his hands on me before choked me,threw stuff in my face My son has pushed me hit me punched me in the arm,and shoulder as hard as he could when he gets angry hasnt physically hurt me since my son but I am afraid one day he will  lose his temper one day and  put his hands on me and I may end up with substancial injurl because he is six feet tall aand over two hunderd and at least fifty pounds then what do I do I assume everyone in my family will blame me  for making him mad but I don't have to do anything to make him mad he just gets in a mood and all hell breaks loose like tonight. I am sorry but not sorry I hate him I hate my brother and my mom I don;t hate my daughter,but  she hurts me  emotionally to because my brother picks on her and by brothers wife  does to they make her life  somewhat miserable wanting her to grow up dress like  preteen stop getting dirty inssulting her hair which curls naturally since a haircut and they hate it so this on her she is afraid to yell at them  scared of my brother  I am sure my brother can get scary real fast so she takes it out on me  because of them most times were good  other times  I am yelled at by her and everyone else. More than anythi ng in the world I want to get as far away from them  as possibe I desperatly want to move out but fucking tourist state our houses even little houses are much to expensive. The thing is I can take my daughter out of harms way from my brother and his inssulting wife,but that is the only one I want to live with I don't want to take my son,and forget my mom and the rest of them  unless my son gets on the pills he needs,gets anger management,and maybe in a day program all day with other people  his age to deal with his mental problems. as for the rest of them I would be happy never to have to set my eyes on them again. they never were supportive,always  emotionally draining,and emotionally bad  for my overall health and my daughters. I don't expect any one to take my side because everyone else in my family seems to thank everything is my fault I just hope I am not the only one that feels like their family is toxic as hell,and very very hurtfull. Me I work all the time and when I am not working I stay home  the only friends I have is facebook friends and I don't even thing any of them  not even my cousin who I do care about  would understand how really fucked up my life is. I wish I could be just through with my life and move on to the next one  as it is the only one I really truly love  for real with no qualms is my daughter she does yell at me,and it hurts sometimes,but she is in the same boat as me emotionally unavailable adults around her and only me to eitehr talk to or yell at.   As for my son insisting on calling the police I would of been happy to do it I did it last time and he was baker acted  for three days,but my brothers both of them yelled at me for it saying it was a family matter and I didn't need to bring outside authority  in on a personal thing. That is why I am afraid to call the cops because again my Brothers would be mad at me, my son can be hurtful and cause me physical pain if I don't do what he ask,but if I call the cops my brothers can cause me emotionally pain if I do so I am stuck between a rock and  hard space. My son  was on  anxiety pills  for a bit  handed out by  the doctor who saw him when he was baker acted just stopped giving him to him so I asked  his primary to give him a script. He can't do it till he sees at least a mental health doctor  who can give him the meds. appointments are months longs still waiting my son  he freaks out like this no doctors will see him unless they get paid first I am  singal mom paycheck to pay check that amount of money is hard to come by. He gets disability but even if I pay out of cost there is still month long appointments to wait for. My problem is what do I do in the mean time to keep him from  treaing me like a emotional punching bag.. and then what happens if he just lays his hands on me again I could end up dead badily injured so I can't support my family nomore  and we will still be back to where  we started. There is no escape for me any where what ever I do I will always be critized  for it , or worst beaten by my brother,or worst my son and  I just have no hope to  get out of this situation saftly. If It wasnt  for my daughter and only my daughter I just would up and dissappear.