There is a lot of my life I have yet to tell any one. . Maybe the  only place I can tell it is here .growing up I was afraid a lot. My dad had a  bad temper  Anything could set him off. I remember hiding in a linen closet because he was looking to beat  me with his wide  leather belt    for something i didn't do . I remember hiding under our  house . Because he threatened me another time  . I felt safer with spiders and snakes  Then my own  father Tonight father long dead. My brother is acting  the same way this time toward my nine year old as well. Calling us both bitches. I have to get away and get my kids away  I have to try to get to Arizona sooner somehow  because the sooner I am away from him the happier and saner I will be and my kids  disappearing in the desert  is the best thing I can do for me little family  right now . It's been a bad bad night