I didn’t realise how much I fear vomiting until I became pregnant and started experiencing that dreaded symptom - ‘morning sickness’ or nausea. 

I’m 8 weeks into pregnancy and for the past 3 weeks I’ve been battling constant nausea, with terrifying moments of feeling like my body is preparing to bring up the contents of my stomach within the next few seconds. Whenever I experience the initial stomach-churning sensation, followed by the salivating mouth, my heart immediately  RACES. I try everything in my power to regain a steady heart rate and suppress the urge to be sick. Luckily, so far I’ve been successfull, but this daily fight is very distressing.

Why am I so scared of throwing up? Until about half a year ago, the last time I threw up was when I was 9-years-old (I am currently 24). Earlier this year, I found myself having a fully blown panic attack whilst on the phone to my mother, during a hangover (she’s emetophobic, herself, so I knew she’d understand my distress and how to calm me down). In the midst of all of that, there was a moment when I realised that being sick was eminent,l and kind of surrendered, alloowing the dreaded act to take place. Afterwards, I felt instant relief. I realised, in that moment, that the act of being sick was a lot easier than the distress caused by the ‘build-up’. I really thought that after that experience, I’d never fear or struggle with vomiting again - but here I am now.

I guess the difference is that with a stomach bug, food poising or alcohol, you know that by being sick you’re ridding your system of the irritant and bringing yourself closer to recovery - so there’s an incentive there, at least. With pregnancy, however, the nausea is hormonal, meaning it’s not based on something harmful or foreign that needs to exit the body. I know that even if I were to vomit, the nausea would only just CONTINUE!

Any other pregnant women sharing my distress?