Hope it helps in the end. The EMDR sessions I had all started off focusing on "mild" things and some really painful things came up. I am afraid to go into the deep stuff, How do you know when you are ready to face that? I wrote in my own personal journal last night typed 2 and a half pages of things I have recently remembered, but it didn't really leave me feeling any better. More like...crap..all this at 35 and it keeps coming. (sorry) I am gonna start EMDR again, but in all honesty it scares me to go there. It becomes somewhat out of my hands what comes out and it is a scary thing for me to feel out of control of things. Best of luck to you...I really hope it helps you. Will keep you in prayer.

Thank you My3, Events have forced me into facing the big kahuna. I wasn't going to, but my therapist suggested that facing it w/ EMDR would ease some of the major setback symptoms I am experiencing. They are interfering with my ability to function and make any decisions. In fact, am withdrawing from all actiities. Those I force myself to, I am messing up w/ disassociation. Any type of conflict sends me into a cocoon. Just not realistic to live that way or expect people to treat me w/ any respect or want me around. She is making a big deal about it being my choice. Even left it to me on whether I cemented some really good experiences w/ it up to me and I didn't. I was very angry about the current events. Can't get myself to journal. It is very scary and although I am fairly solid in my faith of who is ultimately in control, I am still very angry that this is my situation. I didn't ask to be assaulted and I still have tantrums about having to live with/clean up the aftermath. Am so wanting some magic to happen. A large portion of my triggers are having to do with not being able to get the help I needed/need. Now the people I trusted to help have done some things to make them untrustworthy and therefore, non-supportive. I can't bring myself to blame them too much as I believe everyone is doing the best they can with what they understand to be true. Just wish I knew what to do. EMDR tomorrow, so we will see.

I am sorry. The first couple appts I went to my therapist I almost felt I was being told to snap out of it it a sense. We can chose to be victims, or chose to look at out situation and say "that is interesting" . ??Confused me at first because all I could think was why in the world would , or anyone else, chose to want to live in a pool of their own tears and feel the weight of the world just fall on their shoulders. My Dr has been great, but the deeper we got the therapy and ethen the EMDR, it began to make a little more sense. I have always been very grounded in my faith. I once thought I cannot be moved from this. and then one day I just felt this was just too big for even my faith. I know that God has me in all this, He has never left me, I am the one who becomes so overwhelmed by my own thoughts and anxieties and I forget to look up to where my help really comes from. I am sure the Drs have a point in we can chose our paths, but we need help finding the right tools that will help us do just that. Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit with you and I really do hope you can find some relief after the EMDR. prayers for you and take care

Thanks, I appreciate your support. I can relate to what you said. I feel that my faith is all I have really. I am alone...no husband or children...just some pets. I agree w/ the thought that wallowing in the victim mode is easy but ineffective and a waste; but if there is no go clear goal on how to live differently, there isn't much else to do other than serve other people's goals. Mine are gone or impossible given how damaged I am. Will give EMDR a few more tries. Yesterday and today I've just been so tired...so very, very tired.

hope you feel better. my therapist mentioned doing a few more sessions of EMDR. We just got started and that was so scary I am afraid to go further, but really it seems I am too far in to go back and not close enough to quit. He mentioned in-patient clinic if I continue to experience all the fear ad memories. Never in a million years did I picure myself feeling the way I do now. Sooner or later, it becomes evident there is only so much any of us can take. My prayers to you and I really do hope this works out for you. Pray for me too, I have an appt next week and I am alomost certain he will want to start EMDR as soon as possible again. God bless and thans for the support also. :)

Thank you for the prayers. I am feeling better today. Had a couple of trigger events last night, but seemed to be able to just adjust to the event and move on w/o obsessing too much about them. Told myself that today is today and although I don't think certain events should happen to me, I handled them and they are over. That's a big shift from the constant worry that the bad stuff is back and happening all over again. Hopefully will remain more present.

I trust that your sessions will go as needed and bring you relief sooner rather than later. I don't like my present too much, so being able to blame the past is handy but unhealthy. My present isn't horrible or anything. Just lonely w/ little hope of improvement no matter what I do. Can't control or change other people, so short of a miracle.

You and your family are in my prayers. Blessings to you, Betty

Thankyou, for inviting me to this group. I have never done EMDR but I read about it and my ex husband believed in it very strongly. I found it interesting. I would definitely agree that whoever you go to for this procedure or exercise should go to someone who is certified in this technique. You don't want just anyone messing with your head, brain waves, or chemistry. It could be dangerous. Take it from me I have been flooded a few times myself and it is no fun. I had to fight like heck to get back using grounding techniques provided to me by a therapist. One of the scariest things I have ever experienced was feeling like I was completely loosing my mind and all contact and sense of reality. The first time it happened to where I got stuck was during an experiment by a well meaning psych major working on a thesis which I agreed to participate in not knowing what would happen. Know thyself and follow your gut whenever it comes to treatment or meds or anything else that is all I can add because this is my experience, hope someone finds it helpful.