*im here to tell my story and get help, not to trigger anyone* im 15 and struggle with b.e.d and anorexia.

i havent been diagnosed but i know that what im doing to myself is wrong. it all started a year and a half ago when i wanted to get healthy which is completely normal for 13 year old right? i started exercising and avoiding junk food and started to learn what it was like to take care of myself. i lost weight but still was miserbale. in that summer i found out about calorie counting and overexercising and took advantage right away. lost my period, hair, was always cold, and restricted as much as i wanted. then i got to go on a trip to seattle and the first thing i did was binge. severely. in one week tops i gained all the weight back i lost. when i came back the first thing my dad said was, which is one of the worst things you can say to someone with an eating disorder, was, "WOW dani you gained weight, A LOT." it hurt me so much. after that i just didnt care anymore.

i binged all i wanted after that. everyday for 8 months. at my highest weight, suicide thoughts were in my system. ive tried so hard to overcome this awful habit but i have relasped everytime. i saw nothing in life, just sat in bed 24/7 and ate food.

but then i had a thought, not a wake up call.

i started starving myself. first it was for one day, then it went to 4-5 days eating nothing but the warmth of coffee every morning. id black out in class but i didnt care.

my focus was to be skinny.

i lost weight quickly in one month. i dont know how i got away from skipping meals but it sure did ruin my relationship with my friends and family. i was so happy the weight was off.

but when you starve you feel hunger. and then that hunger turns into growls. then those growls turn into uncontrolable eating.

at this point i starved-binged-starved-binged, etc. thats been goin going on for 7 months. so now im here. slowly killing my organs and health. and idk what to do about it anymore. i cant talk to anybody about it bc im still in denial for wanting to be skinny. and the ironic thing is too i never thought i was fat. ever. its funny how we view oursleves and how other people view us. there is no happiness to slowly killing yourself.