I'm here, and you are sooo throwing that in my face. I know I have nothing to say and I'm lonely. But, anyway, you definitly animated my face, I laughed so hard that my face hurt. Thanks billy boy.

I have stuff to say, but it's just the usual boring whiny stuff. Even *I* don't want to hear it.

Glitter, weren't you one of the three replies I got when I posted an idea to make up a story?
That's freaking theraputic man!

Making stuff up is like leaving sadberry and creating a new place to hang out.
I still like the idea but I'll bet barn nobody comes on board.

- mores the pity

Wait, tor will do something and so will beth35.

consider me in if that what makes you happy

Yes indeedee - that would make me happy Tor!
I feel like skipping down the hall with mindless abandon.

But, What would make me even happier is if each one of you who have responded so far contacts at least one other member of the group and get them on board too.

There's 30 people in our group now, I'm thinking we can lasso a few more somehow, maybe we turn it into some, therapeutic mind cleansing . . . that, when done in concert with Neo-native Swiss/Austrian melodic yodeling , serves as a subservient U-tubeial synaptation . . . . sometimes described as psycognitive nothingness in places like ufuckuway, Utah, home to the native ufuck-youwao Indian tribe.
-who's chief of protocal also referred to it as mushroom dreaming.
But that's another topic for some other time . . . . hmmmmmmmm . . . . . .I'm done now,

So whatta you say me hardies?
I'm wanting to be smiling and stylin' wit you homies right now!

imaginationize!

I don't want to meet anyone else, I'm nervous about that. Life has been especially sucky today and it feels like a spiral, not just a dig. All I can say is I'll think about it.

I'm am responsive. I'm poking at my organs right now just to make sure, but I think I'm responsive. Yup. I'm made of meat. I just had a birthday, between that and work, and attempting social life, I've been regrettably busy.

I want to make up a story!

I told me so !
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Saw it coming like a kansas twister,
and it hit me like a ton of cotton swabs.
I don't know man, there's like 3 or 4 people here that know I'm still breathing
I don't get it. . . .
- fucking knew this would happen .
Nothing, no thing happened.
That can't be a good sign.

Kinda reinforces my reluctance to never ever do something
like this again.
I'm trying to make a difference in the lives of my fellow comrades in sadness

What did I do ?
what could I have done?
Is it worth considering on any level?

I've got to lower my expectations.

- not happy about that.

But then , look at odds of even getting someone to freaking join this fucking group in the first place.

I'm going to take my meds once again and I will have forgotten how bad I feel right here and now.
. . but I'll check it out tomorrow and , well, like almost everything else in my life, I'll wish I hadn't done it cause I fucking knew the outcome man!

There is no no safe zone, and I know it . . again.

But it's like my dad always told me " if you wear brown shoes to a wedding,
no one will notice
but they won't dance with you - anyway."

-freaking pearls man . . . . = o }

wish I could help, if there is such a thing with disthymia. I'm here and care if you want to elaborate.

¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡THANK YOU TOR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SEE, I DO EXIST . . . I'm not alone.
Not quite what I was hoping for, but it is what it is . . .
Too bad though, I'm feeling bad about what is not happening.
I know - I knew I shouldn't have done this

I just looking to do one some thing constructive with my life.
nothing biblical, just offer my friendship and make something or someone better,
and that's one thing I am good at, in fact I'm really good at making people smile,
and unlike the rest of my self, I am not shy about doing that , I enjoy it. everything else I try to do is disturbing but . . amusing people is my gift to the planet, my only legacy.
. . -no monuments or headstones . . . . or, paid holidays, and uh, whatever. . . .

I'm 62 tomorrow and - that's a big damn number my friend
and to be honest, finding DS (by chance) gave me the enthusiasm of actually starting this group.
Very cool all over. good timing, circumstance, willingness, all those normal things I stopped using.
This was my first attempt at re-entering society. after 9 years of seclusion.
- one big damn nothing !

So jeepers, all things considered, this seemed like the perfect vehicle for me . . . because of my dysthymia in particular and my other 2 disorders. . . . as far as I know . . .
(Some sort of anxiety thing and personality disorder's ) haven't looked into them yet . . .

So I'm digging on this opportunity, it just seemed worthwhile.
. . digital relationships, incredible safe zones, easy exit. . . and so on . . . .

So hey there, this could be cool. . . . this format, this group is in no small way improving my way of life.
(. . . except right now . . right now I'm a failure, again. . . and that's the last thing I wanted to happen.

I will now begin another episode of walking over to the dark zone and sit down at my favorite table
fucking thing is reserved in my name,
god damn seat is still warm.

fuck it
I'll just go over to the medicine cabinet and rachet up the zanax and tweek the neuronton a gram or two and pretend it away.

I wish I knew what to do . . . .

, , , , , what !

And so, my dysthymia, and other as yet uncertain genetically distorted mindfuckinationizers - not as yet determined in any book on any continent is . . . I submit, a dark satanic straight from hell repellent that other people in this group cannot face without their skin suddenly melting into a white hot pool of fear.

Boy, I'm feeling pretty alone,

Dear God,
this one was important, I really wish this wasn't happening
I don't have another plan man, I thought this was a keeper.
but maybe I'm off point. . . . perhaps the thing(s) that prevents us from being normal and torments us, each and every day of our lives isn't within our grasp no matter what we do.

ok Billy, Just a few more dozen words to look up in the dictionary and then I'll understand enough to comment. Kidding my friend. I feel for you and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I understand and I don't understand. I do however care.