Although I am well aware and ok with the fact that no one is perfect, as I have matured with age (e.g. now in my thirties) I have observed and taken to heart how much dysfunction there is in my family. There's horrible communication, extreme gossip, no accountability for actions or words spoken or trust broken, extreme pride, sexist and biased-gender specific beliefs. It's bad. I always felt frustated as a child and adolescent because of how I felt I could not communicate with my family or receive any type of undertsanding or civilized type of communication. I know that some of the beliefs behind their behavior is cultural. I also know that they had a terrible example of a father (e.g. abusive, cheating, and more) and a mother (my grandmother now) that's extremeley passive and permissive of many bad behaviors. I also know that we can not control others we only have control over ourselves and how we choose to react. HOWEVER, it still doesn't change how horrible I feel after interacting with them. Because of this I have chosen to keep many of them at a distance but unfortunetely one of my parents who is the nicest of them all also happens  behave in such ways. She's like a grown up bratty child. I am stuck dealing with this parent because this parent is my daughters baby sitter for free which is extremely helpful right now. Otherwise it would be easy for me to freely move around. The other family members I keep at a distance are pretty spiteful and evil. So on one end I feel better by keeping them at a distance but on the other end they can be spiteful and vengeful for even the slightest bit of thing they notice. For example: if they know I am purposefully keeping them away they will try to silently find a way to be vengeful. Ugh. It's no win with my family. The worst of all is having grown up feeling lonely, and like there's no one I could trust to talk to, have my back, consistantly show me love. I mean how could my parents do so if they weren't even there for themselves?  The environment and familial relationships of my childhood and adolescents have left permanent scars within me that I battle with daily. It permeates into all areas of my life and as a result I have to make a hard conscious effort to think in healthier ways (e.g. positive and more trusting)  even though it's not natural for me. As a result I believe I am a more compassionate human being and very empathic but having a very dysfunctional family still sucks. I am venting more than anything but would still love to get some feedback and opinions :)