Dont Give Up Community Group
There is always hope,there is always an answer,there is always a helping hand. Every day is a new Beginning. With us you will find love, support, strength and friendship. Please, come on in an join us. We are always here for you. You are not alone!
I will try and be brief….as possible….
I have battled depression ALL of my life!!!! (now 51…) Been on EVERY anti depressant under the sun…(I have Chronic Depression) been to 21 different mental health…”so-called professionals”…who did nothing but charge me mega $$$$$$ and use their stupid CBT techniques…(CBT is insane! It takes AWAY from your issues instead of helping them! Their theory is: “Well…you are burning up=literally---no help available…but it is drizzling rain—so focus on that…) I have been Inpatient twice---due to two suicide attempts…
I hate life and I hate myself! Always have on both counts!
One main issue is: I tried for ages to build a nice body—I worked out…ate right---had a trainer….even did steroids (which messed me up more) and NEVER could “get there”!!! Google of Greg Valentino or Ronnie Coleman….this is “the look” I so wanted….but could not get!
Since a child…I have ALWAYS wanted to look like someone else…ANYONE else but ME! I always see other guys who have “the look” and I have crap! I am ashamed to take my clothes off and shower….and even more ashamed to be seen in public with clothes on!!!! It is a disgrace and an embarrassment to have been born like this! My face is also riddled with acne scars….
You know…all other guys…. …have muscles…thick hair-----they party thru college (I worked my way thru) and when they get out..Boom! They get opportunities slung at them! The crap that comes so easily for others never even happened for me…in spite of all my wasted effort, time, and energy!!!
Every female I have been in a relationship with…I felt inadequate/insecure/unworthy…and when we would go out and I would see a guy who has “the look” I could sense she wanted him……Face is acne scar ridden----But I know my lot in life is to make others feel good about who they are
Please I do not want to hear personality matters---tried that----I have learned to accept being alone---just cannot accept why life gave me such a raw deal……..
Please no bs about "well I have other gifts" NO I do not!
Besides--I have had to suffer thru with this body---why could I not ever make it acceptable? Why do other guys attain what I NEVER could!!!!!! Heck I do not/never did want a million bucks or to be rich and famous---just self esteem filled-----but as I said, no such luck.......
My only thing that keeps me going--is I am 51 now---so my "sentence" here on Earth is at least 80% over---hopefully more!!! It will be completely over when I've reached my limit (fyi see my last journal post----)
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I didn't begin to heal until I came across a book called, "The 12 steps for everyone., who really wants them!" This wasn't the AA 12 steps. , this was the 12 steps for EHA (Emotional Health Anonymous) This book show me how to pray....ask for something, and it showed me how to meditate....receive an answer. This book saved my life and began my spiritual journey that has brought me rewards too numerous to mention.
I had two choices. I could stop complaining and except myself the way I really was, and allow my Higher Power full control of myself, or I could continue judging everything in this world in a negative fashion and get the same thing reflected back to me, and continue down the road to my self imposed hell! I chose to put God in charge and have never regretted it, for one second!
All 12 Promises of EHA have been fulfilled in my life with step 12 being the most important: We realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. I have a great life now and I have never been happier. I wish the same for you.
God Bless
Personally I have found, over the years, that CERTAIN FOODS can bring on depression! 'Keep a food diary to discover which foods are the culprit. For me it is white flour, and/or some types of sweets. Those beautiful pastries in the bakery can send me into a tailspin!
GREEN TEA is a wonderful crutch, it gives you a feeling of well being.
You are welcome!
KK