Domestic Violence Community Group
Support for those who suffer or have suffered domestic violence. Domestic violence is any violence within the home; sometimes called family violence. Family violence may include elder abuse, child abuse or sibling abuse.
Im not sure how to deal with this. I come from past abusive relationships (almost all of them).
Im not sure if I should just leave or try to work on things.
From the very beginning my gf (Im gay) has been pretty shady about other women. She had an ex that I had to go through some drama with, then lied about meeting up with a girl while out of state at her family reunion, had one of her college sorority sisters (from years ago) calling at all hours singing to each other on the phone and the girl getting pissed when my gf didnt go visit her at one point ( a visit i only found out about cuz the girll was pissed), then met a girl on the internet claiming she was just a friend but when i talked to her the girl totally lied to me, then she actually did cheat on me and then she was answering ads on craigslist telling other women "im looking for someone special, i will travel " while she was out of town for work....
And there were a couple of occasions where she would kinda trow me around. I for the most part let her. Until I started getting sick of it and would fight her back and then once i hit her before she ever hit me.
So we went to counseling and even though I felt I was only hitting her because she had BEEN hitting me, it still isnt right and I refused to do it anymore...
I should be gone right?
Well, at some point in the midst of all this... we had a huge fight. She choked me. She put her hands around my throat and choked me until my vision was going black and I pushed her off me. I didnt even touch her. I just kept talking, trying to get her to stop without anymore violence. She did this 2 more times and then I started swinging and trying to get her away from me. In this process she broke my nose.
Like to the doctor, ex rays and everything broken, black eye to go with it.
She says she is sorry blah blah blah of course.
So not only am I trying to deal with all the cheating bs and not being able to trust her... Im trying to get past not only her breaking my nose but the fact that she was trying to kill me (after everything died down, she said she was trying to kill me so no one else could have me. Not the first time she said something about killing me)
To me, it feels like she plays everything down, like its not that big of a deal. Like it was just a mistake she made. With both the cheating and the violence.
She is (in my eyes) pretty verbally abusive as well. She used to call me stupid all the time. The way she words things and says things to me just isnt ok. She hasnt called me stupid in a while (the counselor told her it wasnt ok). I feel constantly put down by here or treated like I dont know anything. Its so hard to make sense of the verbal stuff, cuz to me its not ok... but I guess it might be ok with someone else. Obviously its ok to her. It feels like she attacks me and turns things around on me... Its hard to explain.... She lies a lot. I have gotten to the point where I dont even say much about it cuz I dont feel like going through the process I would have to go through for bringing it up.
She wants to have a baby together....The children I have already were with abusive partners. I would be off my rocker to have a baby with her. Isnt the definition of insane doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? I cant marry her... right? Why would I ? If I cant do either of those things why continue on?
I have an appointment for counseling next week at a domestic violence center. I lied to them and told them I am no longer with anyone who abuses me.
I just want my heart to feel ok.
I dont know if I can get over all of this especially with the way she acts about it.
I dont know if I should get over it.
Im not a stupid woman... but I sure do feel like I look like one right now.
Like what the %$#@ am I doing?
Why am I still here?
Where is my line?
Im not sure if I should just leave or try to work on things.
From the very beginning my gf (Im gay) has been pretty shady about other women. She had an ex that I had to go through some drama with, then lied about meeting up with a girl while out of state at her family reunion, had one of her college sorority sisters (from years ago) calling at all hours singing to each other on the phone and the girl getting pissed when my gf didnt go visit her at one point ( a visit i only found out about cuz the girll was pissed), then met a girl on the internet claiming she was just a friend but when i talked to her the girl totally lied to me, then she actually did cheat on me and then she was answering ads on craigslist telling other women "im looking for someone special, i will travel " while she was out of town for work....
And there were a couple of occasions where she would kinda trow me around. I for the most part let her. Until I started getting sick of it and would fight her back and then once i hit her before she ever hit me.
So we went to counseling and even though I felt I was only hitting her because she had BEEN hitting me, it still isnt right and I refused to do it anymore...
I should be gone right?
Well, at some point in the midst of all this... we had a huge fight. She choked me. She put her hands around my throat and choked me until my vision was going black and I pushed her off me. I didnt even touch her. I just kept talking, trying to get her to stop without anymore violence. She did this 2 more times and then I started swinging and trying to get her away from me. In this process she broke my nose.
Like to the doctor, ex rays and everything broken, black eye to go with it.
She says she is sorry blah blah blah of course.
So not only am I trying to deal with all the cheating bs and not being able to trust her... Im trying to get past not only her breaking my nose but the fact that she was trying to kill me (after everything died down, she said she was trying to kill me so no one else could have me. Not the first time she said something about killing me)
To me, it feels like she plays everything down, like its not that big of a deal. Like it was just a mistake she made. With both the cheating and the violence.
She is (in my eyes) pretty verbally abusive as well. She used to call me stupid all the time. The way she words things and says things to me just isnt ok. She hasnt called me stupid in a while (the counselor told her it wasnt ok). I feel constantly put down by here or treated like I dont know anything. Its so hard to make sense of the verbal stuff, cuz to me its not ok... but I guess it might be ok with someone else. Obviously its ok to her. It feels like she attacks me and turns things around on me... Its hard to explain.... She lies a lot. I have gotten to the point where I dont even say much about it cuz I dont feel like going through the process I would have to go through for bringing it up.
She wants to have a baby together....The children I have already were with abusive partners. I would be off my rocker to have a baby with her. Isnt the definition of insane doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? I cant marry her... right? Why would I ? If I cant do either of those things why continue on?
I have an appointment for counseling next week at a domestic violence center. I lied to them and told them I am no longer with anyone who abuses me.
I just want my heart to feel ok.
I dont know if I can get over all of this especially with the way she acts about it.
I dont know if I should get over it.
Im not a stupid woman... but I sure do feel like I look like one right now.
Like what the %$#@ am I doing?
Why am I still here?
Where is my line?
I spent six years on my own after the last one threatened to kill me and broke into my house to try to do it. I realized that because of my own low self esteem I was attracted to a lower class of mate. people that were in my mind, attainable. The time I spent on my own was gold. It was hard and I cried a lot for a while but as I dug around my inner world I realized that the things I was doing to distract myself from myself were far more damaging then the thoughts about myself or the demons I faced could ever be.
I'm not a stupid woman either, getting a beating from someone who said they loved me was normal to me. When someone puts their hands on you in anger you are no longer a person to them. You are an object to vent their frustration on. NO ONE has the right to hit you, call you names or threaten you in any way and if they do it's not love. The person I am with today has never called me a name or have I ever felt any danger when we disagree, we've had some spectacular fights but never any violence. You deserve that too.
You are not alone.