I have been legally seperated from my husband since January 1, 2016. I'm STILL trying to have him served divorce papers so i can try to move on. I was with him from 2008-2015 and it was only in the last year or year and a half that his true nature came to light. That saying "You never REALLY know anyone" rings so true to me as im sure it does all of you. In late 2012, i found out i was pregnant with our second child, and two weeks later he lost his job. a a needless stress on our already tumultuous life together. He never held a job more than 4 years and kept gettin fired for stupid, unnecessary things that could be easily avoided. When he couldnt find work here, he decided to go get his CDL and drive 18 wheelers. he was gone for months at a time, missed our second sons birth and complained everyday of how hard it was and how bored he was. I did my best to be supportive but this was his fault. he put his happiness above providing for his family. This is around the time the verbal and emotional abuse started. Everyday, the constant barage of insulting and just plain evil texts,calls and voicemails never ended. He blamed me for" making" him go into trucking. He said i wasnt there for him, threatened suicide, threatened to leave me with nothing, or that je would take the boys and i would never see them again. All things i realized later were warning signs of more awful things to come. He always treated me like his property, never his equal. I was his whore,his maid. I blame myself in a small way, i did everything for him and my children all he ever had to do was work and make money. And he couldnt even do that. During one argument he chased me to my car with a screwdriver and tried to stab my tires with my kids watching in the backseat. Not long after is when the sexual abuse started. when youre in the depths of an abusive relationship, you dont realize when things start happening until you get out. I see now that, making me have sex no matter what, lying about being sterile to knock me up with our first son, not caring if he knocked me up again as long as he got what he wanted. In his words "Youre my wife and I have needs". It became more violent towards the end of 2015. Once he hit me so hard on the leg during sex , the mark stayed for over a week. Hes been so forceful during "foreplay" and sex hes made me bleed, so much one time it covered half a sheet on a bed. Dec 30, 2015: I had went to bed early that night, my 1 year old had a cold and i was getting sick too. l had taken smedication i was prescribed at time and it would knock me out cold. the next morning i woke up with my clothes twisted and half on and as the day went on i was in a lot of pain. He blew it off. Later that night, the kids were at my parents and i brought it up again and he told me , laughingly, "oh i tried to wake you up but you wouldnt" He had raped me,anally, and said it as if it was a normal thing. I ask him why he didnt stop when i didnt wake up and once again he said "well, youre my wife and i have needs". I cant tell yall how much that fucked me up. he took away my choice, my security and betrayed me in a way a husband should never. A husband is supposed to protect you. he robbed me of feeling safe in my own home, made me scared to sleep. I have slept on my couch since that day,even though ive removed and replaced anything of his or ours. im scared to be alone. Its been a long road. I lost a big part of myself, im not the person i used to be. i have no one to talk to who doesnt treat me with pity. i miss the girl i used to be.