Domestic Violence Community Group
Support for those who suffer or have suffered domestic violence. Domestic violence is any violence within the home; sometimes called family violence. Family violence may include elder abuse, child abuse or sibling abuse.
I feel like if I type everything out, I will spend forever in front of my keyboard, so here's the short version:
BACKGROUND
- met through a mutual friend in 2016, started dating a few days later
- got engaged a month later, married a year later (2017)
- moved into a house his mother owns but doesn't live in (we rent) in summer 2016, 3 months after meeting
- makes minimum wage and doesn't drive; couldn't afford to live in this house without me and couldn't get to work without me as it's too far away from our home
RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS - BEFORE WEDDING
- there was lots of jealousy (made me delete all male friends on my social media), lots of control (couldn't hang out with or talk to people without him), demanded I change my last name even though I didn't want to, regularly went through my phone, etc. Typical controlling nonsense...
- my now-husband and my brother got into an argument and hate each other
- husband and mother hate each other
- one time got angry and shook me really, really hard
RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS - AFTER WEDDING
- started pushing me, laughing when I was hurt for any reason
- threatened to kill himself, would self-harm in front of me if I tried to leave
- regularly tell me to kill myself, that he regrets marrying me
- found out I was molested when I was younger and forced to participate in sexual acts with my brother; now tell me to "go fuck my brother" to "rub it in my face"
- found out I was raped 10 years ago; told me I deserved to be raped and probably enjoyed it
- calls me by my mother's name or by my maiden name as a way to insult me
- has punched me in the face, spit on my, pushed me down the stairs
- threatened to kick or kill my dog
MY SITUATION
I currently still live with my husband. We sleep in separate rooms. It feels like we both know we shouldn't be together, but neither of us has the strength to walk away. I know if I were to up and leave, he wouldn't be able to get to work. He'd lose his job and that means he'd have to move out of our house, which is his childhood home. I make enough money that I know I could pack and move my stuff into a storage locker or something while he's at work. I could physically leave and he wouldn't have the means to stop me. But I still find myself not leaving, and I don't understand why...
I am really struggling to find the strength to leave or find a way to have that conversation with him... I don't know what to do.