Domestic Violence Community Group
Support for those who suffer or have suffered domestic violence. Domestic violence is any violence within the home; sometimes called family violence. Family violence may include elder abuse, child abuse or sibling abuse.
Today I took my first steps in leaving my abusive husband of 10 yrs. I know I tried many time before. Money has been the issue. Lawyers cost so much too. I do love him I love who he is when his not drinking. I been trying to get into a group to build my strength to leave. Im scare because I know that I will miss him. I have look back of old text messages from him And Im realized why have I stayed with him this long. This man does not love. He puts me down. He wants me to feel worthless. Maybe Im afraid of what I dont know. Im afraid if he leave Ill be lonely. But I have to do this for me. My kids hate him. They told me so many times why I stay with him. I dont want them growing up thinking this is ok. I have 4 kids 3 from prior relationship marriage. 20 yrs 14 yrs 12 yrs 7 yrs. My husband doesnt want to talk about our problems he just drinks. I hate it when he drinks he just calks me names and just keeps reasons to fight with me. My daughter is having a minor heart percedure on Jan 3rd. I asked him for him not to drink at this time. Her Birthday was Dec 24 he got mad at me because my sister bought the wrong beer and left my daughter party. She was a little sad. I tried holding on for her but I realized he doesnt care about her either what am I holding too. Im a petite woman he has told me to look at myself Im just a piece of a woman. This hurts so much because I know that Im a woman and as much as he wants to break me down I try not to let him. But now Im just starting to believe him. WHY ? WHY AM I HERE?
It is so hard to leave, because the man we fell in love with is still there, right? And we think that if we just find the right solution, then that good man will come back. But the man we love is just a part of him, and this ugly side is the other part. We just didn't see it before we were locked in.
His behavior is ok with him, or he wouldn't act like this. Does he justify it by pointing to whats wrong in you? Does he always search for the worst in you, and invent it when he doesn't find it? And are you focusing on bringing out the best in him?
These are all patterns of abuse, and they have nothing to do with you and how valuable you are. Because here's the thing: abusers find loving nurturers and caretakers. This is who he is, not who you are.
If you are doubting yourself and believing that you are worthless, then maybe remove yourself from this equation when you think about it. Imagine one of your children being treated like this by their spouse in the future. What would you tell them? Then do that, because you are valuable, too.
Love is about faith and belief, and sometimes we allow those things to hide truth and fact. The words he says have nothing to do with you. His behavior has nothing to do with you.
Be safe, and love yourself as you'd love your children. Be a good parent to yourself.
I've gotten out and I still second guess myself 100x a day, and I'm not sure if it will ever be clear.