I was with a guy on and off for five years now. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t connect. Why we couldn’t say I love you. I’d tell him I loved him and he wouldn’t say it back. Truth of the matter is he didn’t love me. If he loved me he would’ve been there for my addiction and hard times. But he left. And left me alone. Now he’s going through the same thing I did. And stupidly, I had been trying to help. About a week ago, I came from work, he doesn’t work but we don’t live together so that’s on him. I brought him food and the only thing he cared about was if I bought him a pint. Yes, I enabled him because I didn’t want the fight. And the one time I didn’t get it for him he beat the hell out of. Completely out of his character. I suffer from multiple bruising. Two black eyes and 7 fractures in my nose that I have to get surgery on. Also a broken foot. I got a PPO and his court date is in April but I feel I still love him. And I think that’s the manipulation. I don’t want to ruin his life. He’s 26. He has a lot of years ahead of him. But he strangled me til I almost blacked out and died. Until something in me told me to kick him. I just don’t know how to feel or what to feel. He was my bestfriend but my bestfriend turned into a monster. I walk around and everyone stares. Because this wasn’t no bar fight. And clearly they see more and it’s embarrasing. I just need some hope that I know he isn’t the one for me and to not fall into manipulation to not press charges. Because at this point I feel bad for him. Not myself.