Is it too much? I think the situation you are in is too much.

It seems like a good plan. Fresh start and you have family there. Don't just rely on your sister's assurance of a job though. Be prepared in case you are out of work for awhile. Otherwise, go for it!

My soon to be ex moved in with his girlfriend who lived only 5 blocks from our house. I just couldn't stay there, driving by her place every day.

I moved to the other side of our county. It is closer to work and did offer me a whole new view, which I needed.

The move was not nearly as drastic as moving out of state, but it sounds like you would have a support system in FL, so you whould be fine.

I have lived in FL for 13 years now and I love it. I grew up in the midwest and moved here when my kids were very little.

My only advise is to plan it out. Make sure you have the money to survive in case you can't get work right away and that you get your fair share of the assets.

Good luck!

Well, I have always erred on the side of one thing at a time.. you can only handle so much. The big thing is that it depends on how long it would take to sell your house, if and what you get in the divorce, and how hard it would be to get divorced when you are in two states..

As far as after you divorce, I think that is a strong pull for you. ALthough, make sure you have a job before you move.. I do not hold much faith, even from a sister, now days with the employment situation with I could get you job where I work stuff.. Just my humble opinion.

I think you have time, and one thing I have learned, we can make plans, we can change those plans and guess what, one good thing about divorce, we can do whatever we want.. you will have time to do all those things, but one thing I do know, it is good to have small plans, something to look forward to.. Hugs

I think it's a great idea. They say not to make any major decisions for a year but I think it's up to each individual. The fact that you have family there will be a great source of encouragement as well as support.

If you have nothing tying you to your current home, other than selling it, I say go for it. A fresh start is just what you need.

Good luck....we will still be here for you all the way.

P.S perhaps you could get him to buy you out of your half of the house. He gives you the money and you move....he stays in the house.

If you can handle that, it would save you the time and effort in selling it. Also, you can stipulate in your divorce papers that you stay in the house until a certain date....Like June 1 or something like that.

Worth thinking about.

I don't think it sounds so much like you would be moving away, as it does that you will be moving home. Home is where the people you love are. That said, I agree with Ms Terey that you should plan it all our very carefully. I know that I feel so much stronger as I make my way through all of this on my own. Know that you are strong, and can stand on your own 2 feet before you go. I wish you many, many good things to come.

Although I think it's a good idea to move away from 'their' neighborhood, you need to give it some thought. Where are you going to file for the divorce? In what state are you in now and how are the laws for divorce? How about the laws in Florida? Some states seem to favor women while others don't - not legal I know, but it does seem that way in some states. Some states are no fault while others come down on infidelity. Some states required maintenance for the lifetime of a spouse while others don't. You need to look at all of your options. I'd want to be near my kids too, but I'd also weigh all of the pros and cons.

I agree with others here that I would say one thing at a time, but in your situation I don't see many downsides. I like Chrissy's idea of having him buy you out of your half of the house. That way you're not tied to the house sale. If you hate your job and are confident you can find employment there, I say go for it. You have support there and it could be a great fresh start.

Just be aware that there will be days when you wonder why you did it and might feel overwhelmed. That's normal no matter what you decide. And I think you can't run away from the pain. You have to work through it and relocation & new job stress can add to that. Best of luck!
Pete

I live in Florida, and I love it, so I think you could be happy here. I would like you to consider spending some time in the area you would like to move to, just to see if you think it's a good fit for you. There are many good bargains on houses now, so I don't think you'll have a problem finding a place to live, but you might want to rent with an option to buy for certain amount of time. As far as selling your house, people do move and let a realtor do the selling. In this market it could take a while, but you might not mind so much if you are in Florida and not worrying about the stbx and the skank. You do need to consult your lawyer, since the state laws on divorce differ so much. Florida state divorce law is no-fault divorce, but there are residency requirements before you can file here, so you may want to get the divorce in the state you are living in now. It's good to give this a lot of thought, since it's a big decision. I hope this helps a little.

Thanks to all! I am definitely a t-crossing i-dotting kind of person so I would definitely need a plan. I would stay in Jersey til the divorce is final and the house is sold. He doesnt have a pot to (p) in so I know neither one of us can buy the other out of the house.

Tea, your saying "I would be moving home" made me smile. I always thought I would end up in Fla..just with my stbx joining me!! Oh well.

My son can go down and stay with my dtr and see what the job prospects are. My sister lives about an hour north of miami and she actually does most of the hiring for the company

I think the divorce may go quickly..nothing to fight over..but the sale of the house may take a while. I would not leave that to him. He is an irresposible ass and with the skanky pig living here with him...disaster!! no way!!

thanks again!!! This is all just in the planning stages but I truly value your opinions! Zouga, where in Fla are you???

I think I moved to fast in my haste to get away from my ex and his other women. I moved down near my sister, and had no doubt I would find work and friends. I found work - work that schedules me at times where it's hard to go out and work on forging friendships. Soooo - I would suggest you think long and hard - decide if your friendships where you are are supporting you or if you would get more support if you moved. Where do you have the chance of most successfully rebuilding your life? Maybe give it three months post divorce to think about things.

I do know on my part that simply having my ex out of the house was a blessing and enough to make me feel much better!

"They" say you should never shake up any two of these areas of your life at the same time:
1. Your marital status
2. Your job (or career)
3. Your place of residence
To that, I say, "Who are "they" anyhow?" And I have always managed to stir up at least two of them simultaneously and ended up being ok.
In the case of divorce, well, there's not much you can do about your marital status and if you have enough $$ to tide you over, then a job would fall behind changing your place of residence somewhat. And if you don't have small children to deal with, I would say TAKE IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY to just DO IT...sometimes a totally fresh start is just what you need to get on with the Best of Your Life.
Trust yourself. Listen to your gut. No risk = no reward. No guts, no glory. One day at a time.
I will send you some prayers for discernment!

Go where you have the most SUPPORT.

I moved very far about a year ago, and I have no regrets.

One should take into account the number of friends/family in each place, the amount you see them, other "comfort" factors (it's tough starting over as far as work, where to shop, etc). Your social network accounts for an important % of your health, actually. Money issues (cost of various expenses in each place) should be considered.

Good luck in your decision!!
L

Lots to weigh when it comes to such a move. From what you say it sounds like you would be in a better place if you did though.

When I left, I moved into an apartment. I think the change of atmosphere really helped me in general. Of course, I didn't have to sleep with pepper spray and duck as much either! I REALLY loved my apartment. I moved back to my home the end of January (which wasn't my intention. At least not then anyway). I've been on a down hill slide since then. My home isn't warm anymore - I hate living here. 34 years in this house was enough. I just felt better away from it. Everywhere I look here reminds me of something. Good and bad. I just want to try to forget and move on - I can't, living here. As soon as I can, I plain on moving and that won't be soon enough.

For me - it's all about new beginnings. If that's your intention with your move - do it. I don't say that you will feel as I did away from your "old" life, but I can tell you it really made a big difference for me. I didn't move out of town, but I'm thinking about it with this move. The hurts didn't go away being out of my old environment by any means, but the new place gave me new direction of thoughts. Better thoughts. Good luck in whatever your decision may be.

I moved 45 minutes away from him, his family and my work--into another county altogether--and I am sooooo glad I did. I have to drive by the road he lives on (he's in our house), whilie I'm on my way to work and I drive past his place of employment EVERY day....but as soon as I'm past those two things, I know my chances of accidentally running into him in my location is pretty slim. I like being away from the drama, and if my job wasn't such a good one...I'd consider looking for a position in my new county of residence. I HATE the morning commute--have to leave my house by 7 to make it to work on time--which means getting up at 5:30ish , but the afternoon commute is pleasant as the drive is mainly on a state highway with beautiful scenery. I may move back at a later date...but not for awhile....I like my new home and have started making friends.....