Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Why is he depressed - he's the one who left

Chrissy614
Chrissy614
I talked recently with my husband, who moved out on May 4th. He stated this is no picnic for him either and that if I think he's out living the high life I'm wrong. He said if I asked his closest friend he would tell me that he's one depressed man. My question is why is he depressed. He's the one who chose to leave. It was his decision. He's the one living with his mom and dad instead of here with us. I know he misses the kids terribly and since they won't talk to him I'm sure that's gotta hurt, but it was still his choice. If he thinks he's depressed, how does he think I feel. Depressed doesn't even cover my pain. Devistation comes close. How does he think the kids feel. He could still be here with us working it out with me if he's so depressed. He knows the door is still open for now. But according to him he's "not in a rush to come home". Well he can be depressed all he wants and he can be alone. At least I've got the kids for love and support. He's got nothing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
AMEN! Mine has no one either except his beer buddies and cocktail waitresses. I so got the better end of the deal!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mine has the ow and/or several. I don't want the new him but I miss the old one. I realize I'm better off without him. My house is so peaceful.
I think it's his way of getting a pity party from you. Don't fall for it. Ignore his calls. Email him back. Let him realize what he has lost. If he can cry to you, he still has you. No contact. Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is all so damn manipulative. I hate the mind games!!
I agree with sld1, I know its hard!!

Sending hugs to you
deleted_user
deleted_user
Correct again! Mine seems to get pleasure in seeing me tear up when I see him and doesn't give a shit about anything about me (and has told me that), yet when he has a problem, who does he call....ME! Why do they try to keep those strings attached! We have the kids and that is the most important aspect of this entire thing! My son is my world!
Hugs to you!
fatallove
fatallove
So the honeymoon period has ended for him, huh? Well, it's pretty normal for the leaver to feel depressed at some point after the honeymoon period ends. I know he said he wasn't in any hurry to get home (sounds familiar to me) but does he still feel that way? I think this is the turning point for him. It's either realize he screwed up and want to go home or decide that whatever happens he needs to move on. I hope he decides what you are hoping for. But if it's for him to come back, be very careful. Persuasion might get him to come back but it won't keep him in the end. As hard as it is, I would let him make his own mind up. If he's persuaded, he isn't really committed. If he decides on his own, you have a better chance.

My stbx always says that he's going through the same things I am so he's suffering too. What a crock of shit! They want sympathy from us after they've discarded us like used kleenex. They're out of their minds! I think you should take that open door and close it. Don't lock it if you don't want to but don't set yourself up for another fall by leaving it open either. Don't let him think that he can walk right in and everything is forgotten! Stay tough sister.
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
Looking forward to the day when mine is all depressed and boo-hooing around (hope it's the day the ow cheats on him). Hope he calls me. . .can't wait for that call. Oh will I have things to say, like SUCKS TO BE YOU!!

Stay strong!