Mindy: six years of separation is a long, long time. I have just hit two years a few months ago and while I understand the 'uneasy' feeling you refer to AND the being at a loss as to what direction to take with your life, I'd say that a heck of a lot of time has gone by in your case honey.

I suggest that if you are still struggling with the emotional aspect of your marriage ending, that you seriously consider therapy. It helped me a lot! As for moving 'forward' with your life, perhaps you should book an appointment with a life coach. Google for one in your area. An alternative would be a visit to your local workforce development or career counseling center.

You're at an age where many of us start to question where we're going and what we're going to do with the rest of our life. Add to that being a mom to a teenage girl who needs you to be strong and set an example of what a woman, faced with challenges, can accomplish in her life. You can do this!

Please get some help. You deserve to be happy and you truly do have the best years of your life ahead of you! There are great things ahead for you, but you have to clear the fog to see it! Good luck

Mindy, I understand that feeling well. I feel like that at times as I am unable to work on a regular basis, and sometimes question whether my volunteer work is worthwhile. Of course it is, and I'll continue to do it.

All I"ve wanted to do since I had my first baby is to be mother and the grandmother in a happy family. So I'm doing volunteer reading at the local primary school.

I like Iammine's idea of finding a therapist to help you sort through this one. Also the careers counselling idea.

The trick is to take a step in some direction. The confidence will follow. If the first thing isn't right, you can change to something else. If you're not getting satisfaction from your current work, look around for something else.

Your source of unease could be any number of things. Maybe if you took up an absorbing hobby which yields useful things like gardening, quilting, crocheting or painting? Think outside the square. Consider the ridiculous like volunteering overseas for 12 months. Something will eventually stand out for you.

love and hugs
kamary

Hi Mindy
Therapist sounds good to me .
They can do wonders !
Now , as far as you not buying a house because you know little about repairs , handy work.
Many of the larger supply houses have short seminars on a particular project.
Plus there are many retired trades men that work at these stores that will be glad to answer any question
that you may have .
The internet is loaded with help ........... Just Google any project and you'll fins many answers and help .
Want to really get into handy man work, then sign up for a class . It will give you something to do and you'll
meet other people there .......... You might even find a new hobby !
AND ..... AND , you'll save lots of $$$$$$
I was a General contractor , Builder , Handy man , for 30 something years .
Not much that I didn't build or repair ...........
I once offered the girls ...and guys ....... here on D&S to answer or give advice on any project they may have . Still stands and with you too.
BTW- My wife left me 7 years ago . Ya, it was rough. But now ........... I'm remarried and going on with my life .. Mindy, we only have one life here on this earth and time goes by pretty fast .......... We can't let them
(You know who I mean ) take away something that we deserve ...that's ours!!! . They made their choice ... We have to make ours !!!! Don't get me wrong , I still have little sprits of hurt feelings every now and then , but ....
I go on............ We must !!!!!!!
Ok... Good luck ..................... and I think that the house will be good for you ...... You'll be so busy that you won't have time to think of anything else !!!! LOL..
Therapist is a must .....
Timeman

Mindy:
The others have given my best advice as to how to settle the unease that you are experiencing. One observation that I have is that if, after all this time, you are still "comparing" YOUR life to that of your now-X, something isn't right. That's where a good therapist can really help you. The longer you continue to fixate on what the X has as opposed to what YOU have, the longer you will remain in this funk.

As to the question of renting vs. home ownership, I kept my farm in Maryland through the divorce because I desperately wanted to stay there. I had lived there for nearly 20 years when the divorce was final and knew all the ins and outs of maintenance and had a long list of professionals who I could call if something major went awry. However, after a couple of years (and a few unfortunate accidents related to the horses) I reached the point where I was READY for a simpler and less demanding lifestyle.

This past April, I sold the farm, packed up all my worldly posessions and relocated to southwest Florida. While my original intent was to buy a place down here, I am just now beginning a 12-month lease in a very nice Florida townhouse where I don't have to be concerned about ANYTHING -- inside or out. I had no idea how FREEING this was going to be and when friends back in Maryland ask me if I miss the farm I tell them in all honesty "HELL, NO!"

You can own a home WITHOUT all the stress and headache of repairs and maintenance -- it's called CONDOMINIUM. I don't know where you live, but down here, you can rent or own in a neighborhood with single family homes, villa homes, coach homes or carriage homes (this is what I live in -- 4 indvidual residences in the same "block") and your HOA Fees pay for all repairs and maintenance on the outside. This means you only have to pay for repairs or maintenance to stuff on the INSIDE of the walls.

Depending on your age and how long your kids may still be underfoot, you might want to consider waiting to purchase a home. It takes a number of years to gain any equity in real estate, so you would want to take that into consideration. A certified financial planner can help you figure out if buying would be advantageous to you.

So good luck with this! Therapist and financial planner should definitely be on your list of people to see.

No advice-just hugs!! I'm right there with you

Hey there sister. I bought my own home and I do minor repairs in it. I have replaced two leaking toilet valves and the dryer hose vent thingy. Bob is right, when you go to Lowes or Home Depot there are lots of experienced folks there to help. When I needed to replace the inside parts of the toilet I took a picture of the assembly on my digital camera. When I couldn't find the exact same thing at the box store I showed the picture to an employee and he helped me get it all together. When are considering buying a home, you get to have it inspected. By being there when it is inspected, they will go over everything with you. You can learn a whole lot about what things are and where they are located. They also give you a print out on the findings. The inspector is a third party hired by you to find anything that might be a huge problem. The guy doing mine suggested I replace the sweeper that goes on the bottom of the door to keep air from escaping or coming in (bugs too). He showed me how easy it was to take off and replace (no tools required). If you belong to a church, most of them have monthly bulletins or guides of people who do home improvement/maintenance. YouTube is also great for short videos on how to do things.

Is that your daughter in your picture? This would be a great opportunity to show her how to be self sufficient.

Hugs Mindy. I think there could be a few things at work here. Your youngest is reaching that age of independence and you are facing empty nest soon. We often put ourselves last for our children and you are becoming aware of the fact your daughter will not need you the same way soon. Its a tough one. When I bought my home shortly after my 2nd divorce...same ex as the 1st...I was completely overwhelmed and had no idea what to do first let alone at all....I did have a few skills but not what was required to turn this little fixer upper into a home. I did exactly what Misred did...ya gotta love Home Depot...they are awesome. I got help from here too...I remember sitting on a bucket in my unfinished wreck of a basement looking around just sobbing...not knowing where to start first...CGK took the time to help me break each project down into little steps...each step was a project...with each step finished...I gained self confidence and skill...slowly...with each step completed...that project was finished...it was awesome. I haven't stopped yet..I have turned my wreck of a basement into a cute rentable suite which covers 2/3 rd's of the mortgage. Dont fear it...just do it.

As far as your ex is concerned...your still gauging your worth by him. Stop it. He's a piece of shit. Your not. Stop learning about what he's up to. Who cares. Your all that matters now. Take care of you and go after your dreams. If you dont have any...find some. Experiment. Get out there and find your own way without him....He is your Past...not your Future...Big Hugs....Kathy

Misred and Dairytech are correct -- even YOU can learn your way around a toolbox even with no prior experience. And even though I am now LEASING a CONDO, I just replaced a ground-fault outlet in the guest bathroom because I couldn't see the point in hiring an electrician to do it -- even though my landlord would pay for it. I didn't want the bother of having to wait around for a professional to show up.

Even though I sold a lot of big equipment to the folks who bought my farm, I brought a full complement of tools with me (in the brand-new Sears rollaround tool chest I bought before moving down here) and they come in handy. I wanted overhead storage in the garage, so with the landlord's permission, I now have plenty of room to store seasonal things and those collectibles that I SWEAR I'm going to dispose of sometime in the next 12 months.

A cordless rechargeable DRILL (and I LOVE my HITACHI) is an essential piece of equipment -- you can drill holes and tighten/untighten screws in a jiffy. Not a huge investment, either. I have given them as gifts to my woman friends over the years and while they might look at me funny when they unwrap the gift, they ALWAYS come back later and say they didn't know HOW they got along without one!

So whether you rent or own, your personal toolbox should include a drill, a good hammer, a level, a 25' tape measure and a small hand-saw (I recommend the kind with interchangeable blades so you can cut different kinds of material from metal to plastic). A caulking gun is also a good thing to have because sooner or later, you will need to recaulk something in the house.

There are also a number of basic handyman books available in the public library and in bookstores. Just reading through one should allay your fear about being incompetent. Broken down into steps, everything is fairly simple. It may still take me longer to do simple repairs than a man, but I get them done!

I love the "dryer hose thingy". My sons always laugh when I call things and thingy, which I do almost everyday! I agree that there is something to be said for not owning. I manage my school-run apartments (for free rent and and a stipend). I am sending in a work order after I right this.

That being said, I think therapy is in order. Fixating on your ex is not healthy and will bring you to the depression you now feel.

I totally agree with the others--perhaps some time with a counselor will help ease your feelings of unease.

I finally bought a house last summer. Yes, I have some things I have to do as far as "handyman" work (mowing, trimming, making small repairs, painting, etc.). When it comes to big jobs, I contact friends who recommend reputable repair services. And believe me, lots of these guys will even go above and beyond when they see it's a single lady. I got my furnace guy to work on my hot water heater--no charge, a house inspector hooked up my dehumidifier for me--all free. And like the others said, there are places to go to learn about these repairs and stores like Lowes and Home Depot are also really helpful and knowledgable.

I will say this--owning my own home, purchased with my own money, and making my own repairs and upkeep has been a tremendous confidence booster for me. When I got this place, I just wanted to call my ex, shout out a nice F#@k you and let him know his cheating actions weren't going to keep me down.

Check into the counseling, talk to a financial planner, talk to a realtor. The bottom line is you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but at least get some knowledge about homeownership before you take the plunge.

Hugs of strength!!