Ouch, that stings. I guess she didn't leave you for someone else, so the idea of her having another relationship is just becoming a reality now.

Not sure how long since you broke up, but.....it's not uncommon that the person who wants out or leaves, either has someone already or want someone soon enough!

Is the dumper just needy? lonely? need validation from someone who is NOT connected to what is going on or went on with the end of her marriage? Likely all of the above I'm guessing.

How old are your sons? I'm wondering why they told you. Possibly they are seeking your input because they're uncomfortable with it. Try to look at it from thier perspective. Must be weird to have Mom out dating....

Better days ahead for you!

lammine...My ex did cheat on me and left me for the om. after a year divorced and after her and the om split up we tried to get back together, of course it didn't work. I have been divorced for a year and nine months now. my sons are 22 and 24. I don't know why it slipped out they were used to seeing her wiyh the guy she was cheating with.

That would have come as a shock, lost. My ex wrote me a letter to tell me he was with the ow, making out it was all a new thing. It came as an awful shock because I had no idea he was even looking, and it was in the middle of our settlement negotiations which were not going well. I think he did it to hurt and confuse me - throw me off the track. It worked. Then things started coming back and I realised that this ow had actually been around since 1996!!!!!!!!! It was a very painful realisation.

You've tried so hard to make it work, mate. And to hear it from your own child makes it even harder. For a long time, I would hurt if my kids so much as mentioned their father (remembering that he used Parental Alienation to try to make them cut me off). Take heart, though, because the day will come when you can talk about her with your kids and it will be like talking about someone you used to know and like.

I am 7 years out, have done a lot of soul-searching and work on healing. Yesterday, I spent the day with my daughter. She had a lot she wanted to get off her chest about the ex - her father. Not negative stuff - she's worried about his health and the stress he's under at the moment with a particular work situation. I was quite stunned to realise that talking about him didn't even raise a sweat. I am so glad I no longer have to live with him and the way he used to treat me, that I am ok with talking about him. I am so glad my kids feel that they can come to me with their worries - especially the ones they have about him. she told me a story about how the ow successfully handled one of his offensives - something that would have had me in tears years ago - and I was able to laugh about it (and quietly thank the Lord it wasn't me dealing with him).

The day will come that it doesn't hurt, and the way to get through is to allow yourself to hurt. If you want to sit and feel bad for a while, that's ok. In fact, the more you let yourself feel all the emotions that come up, the quicker you will heal. Facing reality is much better than pretending you're ok, or stuffing things down.

Big hugs to you, mate. You'll get there.
kamary

lost, I feel your pain, I could cut and paste that post a few weeks ago, it burns...
I can't help but think everytime I take the kids she runs out on a date or coffee with someone. hurt like hell just thinking of it, someone actually sent me her page.....
I feel ya how one can move on so quick while we are left in pieces, but I can honestly say, it's been a few weeks since I found out, and it's getting better, nothing I can do anyways but it just pushes me further away from her, i'm far anyways this just adds to it.
I know she's just looking for attention and i'm sure she's getting plenty of it, as most men on those just want one thing,,( guy's don't go crazy on me, not all but most) that's just my 2 cents about the sites.....
my son found out and he was not happy, he's 18, and thinks it disgusting how she's acting, leaves the kids down stairs alone while she's up on the computer all night, kinda sad, at least enjoy your family put them to bed they go check them out...

hang in there.

My ex didn't leave me for another woman and claims he'll never date again. He is messed up when it comes to relationships, his words and I'm beginning to believe that. He prefers to be alone. My friend who is a counselor wishes he would find another woman, then maybe I'd move on and realize that we really are done. I tend to want to keep helping him and feeling the need to "fix" him. It would devastate me to know he was dating and if he does, I don't want to know, at least for now. Don't you wish we could turn off our feelings as quickly as our ex's did?

For the most part, this event brought TRUTH as confirming valuation to your consciousness. Your ex did not disappoint you! Understanding why the ex does a thing means very little for you actually. What might be more important, is what do you do with the information!

Youngospam has a point on. " Don't you wish we could turn off our feelings as quickly as our ex's did?" I've said a zillion times, switching off /on the fantasy scrip with THIS PERSON is directly related to ones decision . Yeah, you got some emotional conflict happening . So maybe for starters, you might want to challenge your judgment with the assistance of male groups: are great for mentoring.

One of the things I had to remind myself constantly is that our former spouses didn't just turn their feelings off instantly one day.

My therapist spent a lot of time helping me understand the father of my children didn't just wake up one morning and walk out the door. He had probably been unhappy for a long time, and as I got farther away from the relationship I could begin to see more signs.

Your ex probably had a long time to think before she cheated, she slowly left the relationship (i know some cheat on a spur of the moment deal, but I don't think most do especially if they leave for someone else)

You are entitled to take the time it takes to get over this, you don't heal instantly it takes time.

However I bet this pain isn't as bad as it was when you first found out she cheated, you are healing a little bit each day

Not sure how I would feel, probably would have a bit of jealousy like you, or something similar to it. Likewise, I wouldn't be with him again if he wanted, but it would still hurt knowing someone else was with "my husband...." even though he's not.
Just sending a hug and agreeing with everyone; take the time to feel what you're feeling, and then, in time, you'll be able to set it aside and move forward.

In MY opinion, you need to have a sit-down with those boys and tell them IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that you DO NOT WANT TO HEAR anything about your X. No need to go into a detailed explanation, just tell them this is what YOU NEED. And if they should try to bring up any other of her antics, just put your hand up and say "I do NOT want to hear this." Period.

Trust me when I say this is the only way that I managed both during the Divorce from Hell and for a couple of years afterward. It's called SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES and TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF.

Big hugs all around you xoxo

I'm sure it's not even the dating site thing - I'm sure at this point it's ANY news about your ex, sets off emotions - I'm 4 years out and I don't really want to hear anything because it brings back bad feelings - it's normal.

Maybe I am unrealistic, but I just want to get to a point of resolution where it is all just water off a duck's back. It isn't that I want to know or need to know anything about my ex, but if I do hear I just don't want it to bother me at all. I hope it is possible not just for me, but for the OP as well. I think it goes hand in hand with comparing yourself to other people.

you feel like this because it's normal! it's a setback, it's an instinctive reaction based on years of expecting loyalty because you WERE her spouse. I still catch myself feeling those things too. I know that people say no contact is the best way to go and the most painless but I have frequent and usually painless contact with my ex but those jealous feelings still surface for me too - EVEN though I am also dating now. It's not logical. And the woman he cheated with is not the woman he is now dating, but I still feel some weird hatred towards this woman. Why? She did nothing wrong to me. As I said, it's not logical and don't beat yourself up over it.

I would recommend for you to steer clear of contact because I agree that in most cases it is best, and especially because you did try reconciliation and may deep down be still wishing for that again. Maybe ask your kids to keep their mother's life private from you.

I too think this is normal. I'm divorced for 6 years now...both myself and my ex are on our own. We are on really good terms. I have a rental house on acreage..this was the marital home...I rented it out...the tenants trashed my house...thousands of dollars worth of damage and the insurance company wouldnt pay out....they called it hard living not vandalism...I'm on my own with it. My ex has volunteered to do all the repairs and renovating for free...I just buy the supplies...so we see each other and work together almost every day. Sometimes it hard to remember we are divorced. I do think I would have some negative emotions if he were to date right now...even though I know we will never be together again...I would have some feelings of jealousy Im sure...Big Hugs...Kathy

When I found out my ex was going to Hawaii, I got this pain inside, then I got angry.
'You should have taken me', 'You are supposed to go with me' was my first reaction. Then I thought 'That's not fair! You know I love Hawaii!' and 'How can you do that to me'
I felt he was moving on and having fun without me. Truth is, I should be doing the same thing. If I could I would but I can't afford it. But it hurt to think he was moving on, he was happy. I was jealous. It does hurt. I wanted him to hurt like I did, to miss me.