I hear you on this one. It is still amazing to me how many desperate people there are in this world, men and women...and they carry around their new "relationship" like a badge! It kind of pisses me off, actually. This weekend while out at the community pool at my residence I ran into a woman who is a friend of a friend. She was there with another woman so we were just hanging out and chatting. In no time at all they were telling me all about their boyfriends...like it was something so GREAT! I chatted away, saying something like "I havent met anyone in a long time that I'd be that interested in"... and they carried on about all thir plans with their new men. I left with a bit of a chip on my shoulder....I don't think its jealousy...its more like I was pissed that these great women were reducing their lives and their joy and their conversations to having a Man in their lives. I just found it really strange...I must be in a whole other world these days...lol

My ex hooked up with our wallpaper hanger and now they are married. She has a rude shock coming. She thinks she has a gravy train but my ex spends money like it is water. Guess what? Hi funding source divorced him. We'll see how long this marriage lasts. All care about is that i am done with the jerk.

Don't you mean, who are these married men who are ALLOWING THEMSELVES to be hooked up is the problem. Maybe it's a no brainer for me, but if I were a married man and princess momma bear was waiting at home for me, I'd be in hog heaven. There's nothing like freedom of expression without GUILT.

But the saying goes, desperate people seek other desperate people. Forget quality, for them its quantity. Much like the biblical story of the woman at the well who already has had 5 husbands and is living with her 6th man, which happens to be married. [ I don't think she is a happy gal ! ]

PS You brought up a good point cndy2010. There appears to be a lot of women whose identity is tied up to having a man in one's life. The script forget to tell our young girls that not any man will do and your identity comes from self-value. It's knowing the value of cards you hold in your hand that matters.

Well where I live the stats are...for every single man there's 18 single women. That pretty much sums it up. I dont think its about desperation all the time...its more about availability. In my situation...my ex hooked up with someone from his work. I didnt learn until this last summer that they worked together for 5 years. The math says...they were involved before our marriage ended for the 2nd time. I'm not sure there was a physical affair but if his past is an indication of the now back then...there was an emotional involvement. I had reached the point where I thought...she is an innocent party and there was no reason for me to hate her so perhaps I could find a way to accept her as part of his life and perhaps have joint celebrations where the kids were involved...NOT....when I learned they worked together for that long...there is no way in hell I want anything to do with her. She can go anywhere in the world...I really dont care but she had better not come within a block of my home.

From what I understand...she is actually a really nice person. She works in the school system as a student aid worker. My kids really like her. They tell me she is very caring and supportive of my ex while Karma is busy kicking him in the teeth.

Do I actually hate her...no...what I hate is being in the background waiting for that opportunity to swoop down and live that life I was supposed to have. Reality says...better her than me with whats going on with my ex. I dont think she was desperate since she was on her own raising her twin boys by herself for 18 years. Devious yes. Karma has yet to knock on her door but it will.

Do I actually hate my ex...no...what I hate is how he chose to deal with our issues. He has made some very bad decisions...decisions he is now paying for. Just before I left he asked me if I was going to hunt him down and make him pay for what he's done...I just smiled and said...hell no...Karma will do a much better job of getting even than I could ever do...and it is.

Dont envy your ex. Dont weight his life against yours. You can trust...not all is as it seems. As painful as all this divorce crap is...it does get better. Once you start to heal and find your inner strength, resolve and passion...something wonderful truly does start to happen. I truly do believe that we all went through all this hardship for a higher purpose...we just have to get right with ourselves so we can recognize it. Letting go of all of it is the key...Big Hugs...Kathy

My X's woman isn't a skank. But I do think she has no idea what she's gotten herself into. He is delusional, and sooner or later she won't be good enough for him either.

The X's new wife didn't know what he did. I feel sorry for her because he's gotten a lot worse as he ages. I know she's very smart and works hard. I hope she does get the one thing she so badly wants but I don't think that will happen. If it does my daughter will have another half sibling that is younger than baby Zoe.

The ex gets a wife who wants a baby with all the fertility testing on both of them. He's way past the age when a man wants to deal with a baby and he doesn't even like children. I do feel sorry for that poor woman that he lied to.

From all of my reading on the subject, my conclusions on this subject are as follows:

In the case of a younger woman/older man, the woman may be looking for the father figure she never had or is so emotionally immature, she feels the NEED for an older man to "protect her" from the world. The flip side of this is the woman looking for a "Sugar Daddy" -- an older man will usually have a higher income or income potential due to his age and professional experience.

Since a lot of men who run out on long-term marriages are actually looking to "recapture their youth" they believe that hooking up with a much younger woman will somehow make THEM feel and look young again. What a farce THAT is!

Karma has a way of dealing with those kind of relationships -- say a 25-year old woman hooks up with a 50-year old man. Fast forward 20 years (IF they stay together that long) and she will be 45 and HE WILL BE 70! That's a HUGE difference. My mother used to say "you have to do the math" -- women and men reach their sexual peak at drastically different ages -- not that sex is the main glue of a relationship, but a big factor to consider. My PERSONAL experience also tells me that by the time a man reaches 50, he is pretty stuck in his ways (STODGY, if you will). I know the X had changed DRASTICALLY in his political views from the time we met until the time he turned 50 and believe me, HE WASN'T GOING TO CHANGE BACK! I couldn't believe that he had gone from being an almost bleeding-heart literal to a staunch conservative in 30 years. He actually changed his political affiliation from Democrat to Republican -- so we could no longer discuss politics without a major fight.

As to the scenario of predatory women -- those who seek out married men -- I think the majority of them really don't WANT to have a long-term relationship with their "prey" -- that's it's the thrill of the chase and the actual CONQUEST that fuels them. Once they "land" their big fish, they become jaded and often are the ones to break it off.

Kellyb777 -- When I realized that the now-X and his OW were both living in their own illusions, I said to myself THEY ABSOLUTELY DESERVE EACH OTHER! And I just sat back and waited. Got my own New Life in the meantime and didn't really give a rat's ass what they were up to. But the local grapevine is pretty telling -- I got word now and then that the two of them were "on again off again like a pair of teenagers" and then SHE finally dumped him for good. But she had a history of going through men like Grant through Richmond, so it didn't surprise me much. What DID surprise me is that the X told someone that the ultimate breakup was mostly HIS FAULT. I had to swallow hard on that one, since he takes no responsibility for killing our marriage.

Oh well, it doesn't really matter to me anymore. Nor does it matter to me that NOW he is that lonely old man he always said he would end up being. Nobody DECENT will have anything to do with him -- this is a small town and everybody knows everybody else's business, so it would be hard for him to try to act all innocent like he didn't commit adultery. Since Abandonment & Adultery were my grounds for divorce, it's all a matter of public record so anyone who was even remotely interested in him could get on the internet and get the whole truth without leaving the comfort of their home.

My advice? LET IT GO. Get the focus off him and what he's doing and put in on YOU, where it belongs.

I think many of these women have low self-esteem. I know my ex's skank ho/now wife is very insecure and jealous. She monitors his calls, his friends, everything. She wouldn't allow him to meet with me during our separation so we could talk about the divorce. She was afraid I would lure him back, and I had already told her she could have him!

When I first talked to her on the phone, I said, "Why didn't you just walk away when he approached you? You knew he was a married man. I would have walked away." Her response: "I guess you're just a better, stronger woman than me."

Damn right!!!

The grapevine also keeps me posted about my ex (not that I'm looking for info). He is not happy in his new marriage, but won't admit it. They fight, make up, he's left her twice, etc. Now they're working miles from their home in opposite directions and he is complaining, "I never get to see her." I laughed.

I think cheaters look for others to validate their worth because they lack the ability to it themselves. Sad creature, really.

Yes Maam, tobywinn "your identity comes from self-value. It's knowing the value of cards you hold in your hand that matters."....I have reached a place where I feel a certain sympathy for those who have not gone through the journey of going it on their own...men and women.....yes it has been painful at times -- but the rewards of freedom, self-identity and self-reliance are so wonderful! Jumping into realtionships seems to me to be a bandaid on what truly needs to be looked at. Too many people just jump because they are so afraid to really look at themselves and figure out what it is they need to be happy. Not a recipe for success IMO :)

hurting, I think you said it right, that the cheaters are looking for validation. I am not sure why these women, men go with married men/women, because if they will do it with you, they will do it to you.

My ex could have told his OW anything for her to believe to get her to be with him, but I can damn well tell you that once I found out, she knew he was married and still continued on with him. I am sure they will live a happy life together, since he cheats on her too.......hehehehe.....karma.

Hurtin: You got it on the nail.
I'll just add: A spouse who lacks self-esteem will likely have an hidden agenda to be so motivated to prey on others to obtain their insatiable need to be validated at any expense. In my view, being utilitarian and manipulative is incompatible to the entire mission of love/marriage from the start.

Kelly: It goes with the saying, there are two types of people: users and givers. The trick is to weed out, set boundary, and avoid involvement with persons who has hidden agendas. However, one cannot be in a "needy" state and have "low esteem" to execute the directives of their discernment. Being grounded with safe and wholesome people can show you the way. They can teach you which voices to accept and discard.

My X's skank was divorced because her husband cheated on her (from what she told me when I had befriended her) - gotta wonder - she met us, met me, met our girls - and she was cheated on and knew how it felt.

My guess is she's got something seriously wrong with her emotionally. They do deserve each other.

The OW in my case was a drug addict and alcoholic. She and he think that he is her savior. He swoops in and saves the day, abandoning his wife and 2 teenage sons. Hmmmm . . . What's wrong with that picture?