Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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CowgirlKathi 05/24/2015

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the movies to see "Tomorrowland" with George Clooney. The underlying theme of the movie was based on an ancient Indian parable -- The Parable of the Wolves. It is so appropriate for those of you who are struggling with the process of and aftermath of divorce, I couldn't resist sharing it here.

THE PARABLE OF THE WOLVES

An old grandfather told his grandson: “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, and resentment. The other is good. It is joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and bravery.”

The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”

Which wolf are you feeding?

drtexdi 05/24/2015

I love that! In some ways, that was my philosophy after divorce. Volunteering instead of staying home and being sad when my son was with them (ex & OW). Spending time with friends and exercising instead of sitting at home hating. Spending time with God and my Church family instead of hoping for Karma (which may never come and which I don't even want now). It really is about which wolf you feed!

kamary 05/24/2015

I love that, too. It really comes down to a choice, doesn't it? It's ok to feed the rabid wolf for a while, to get it out of your system, then it's wise to let the good wolf win.

love and hugs
kamary

yougospam 05/24/2015

Great parable and a good reminder. At church today the talks were based on joy. what a beautiful word.....JOY. How long has it been since I've thought about that or even acknowledged that??? Far too long, thanks for posting this, I want to have joy and happiness in my life so I can share it with others.

drtexdi 05/25/2015

I thought about using the word joy but I know many are not ready to hear that word. It's not a synonym for happiness to me. To me, joy comes from within while happiness is a product of your circumstance. I'm sure most do not agree with my definition but it helps me distinguish between the two.

Timeman 05/25/2015

That is so true.
Thanks
Bob

iammine 05/25/2015

I agree, it is SO true! And also with yougospam who noted that JOY is such a great word! JOY! It makes me feel good to say it and to write it as well!

My mom had a friend growing up with this name, she'd be 75ish now...I wonder if anyone still names little girls Joy?!

I know this parable, but haven't heard of the movie..and with Clooney, I'm betting it'll be good!

Thanks for the share Cowgirl

lycesq 05/25/2015

my new life. Joy, happiness, and many friends.

refurb 05/25/2015

my bad wolf gets fed anger and hurt (not jealously, not greed,) and a little bit of resentment ----- George Clooney is gonna preach again

my good wolf gets fed love, hope,kindness, empathy, wish i could throw him some bravery bones to chew on

i preach more than clooney.......
karma does not exist, it is justification for the cast system, i lost a good friend when i was in grade school to leukemia, i have a good friend who's daughter will lose her leg this week to a form of cancer i can't pronounce, if there is karma in that - - - well i'd like to let my bad wolf tear the ass out of karma

now back to the wolves, it is spot on, we choose to feed what shapes us,

drtexdi 05/25/2015

I think you are right. I don't think Karma exists but when we first get into this situation (DATY), we hope for it. I guess I am amazed that I don't wish for it now. I think that is in part because I chose to feed the good wolf from the start. Does that mean nothing bad will happen to me? Absolutely not. In these 5 years, I have lost both my parents, had to find a new job and move across the country for it, had my son go through a marriage and divorce. My ex has remarried and seems to be doing fine. Should I be bitter? Some would say yes but I have enjoyed my new beginnings. Do I believe in Karma? No. The good wolf is being fed and life is good!

MNMama 05/26/2015

In that we receive back what we give, share and do, I believe in Karma. Don't think it happens immediately, or even in ways we comprehend, but without it in some form, there would be little meaning to the teaching that "Love is the greatest of these."
I choose to feed the loving, empathetic wolf as often as possible, but acknowledge the angry, jealous wolf is living inside me as well, finding plenty of scraps to survive.

Misred 05/27/2015

Reminds me of what our dear MsTerey always said...happiness is a choice.

Great post!

trisha9054 05/27/2015

Karma is just a wish that some people choose to believe in. I never believed that Karma would punish the ex for what he did. I was too busy trying to put my life back together to worry about wishing ill will on him. That tends to come back and bite the person that wished for it. Not long ago I believed that hard work and kindness would pay off for me. I no longer believe that hard work will get me where I want to be. Kindness only gets you used for what other people want from you and then they are gone. AT least in this town.

hurtinandhealin2560 05/28/2015

I always hope I am feeding the good wolf, but I know sometimes that the bad one gets some nibbles. That is one reason I really worked to rid myself of anger and resentment over my divorce. I wanted to live a life of joy and peace and I knew I couldn't do that if I continued to be angry.

Good question, CGK!!!

KRKing911 05/29/2015

I love this story - always have. Thanks for sharing.

Time4Kim 05/31/2015

i LOVE that parable. It's so applicable in many aspects of life, especially divorce. I know that I spent a lot of time early on feeding the dark wolf. Then, I felt like there was a third wolf with many shades of grey. Now, I feel like I'm finally feeding the light wolf. Kamary is right, it really is a choice. It took me a long time to figure that out. Thanks so much for sharing.

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